


Break down that wall and stay beside me

by gotsoulmates



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Photographer!Jaebum, Smut, also this is loosely based on the verse 2 album, alternative universe, editor!jinyoung, jinyoung is truly heartbroken, this is going to be a very angsty ride my friends so buckle up, trust me things will be ok in the end, very much so inspired by the verse 2 photo shoot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-22
Updated: 2018-06-17
Packaged: 2018-12-18 18:24:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11880219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gotsoulmates/pseuds/gotsoulmates
Summary: It had been exactly two weeks since Jinyoung broke up with Jaebum. How he managed to function at all, he didn’t have a clue. He left his heart, smashed into thousands of pieces, with Jaebum that day.(or: Jinyoung finds himself in Jaebum's apartment to collect his belongings and makes a surprising discovery.)





	1. Reality vs Daydream

**Author's Note:**

> this is loosely based on jjp's 'tomorrow,today' mv and their album concept

A sigh escaped Jinyoung’s lips as he stood in front of the closed door. He still couldn’t believe how he had ended up here, his body had been moving on its own while his mind was reeling. Occupied with a million thoughts, he realised all too late that he had actually ended up at the last place he wanted to be.

It had been exactly two weeks since Jinyoung broke up with Jaebum. How he managed to function at all, he didn’t have a clue. He left his heart, smashed into thousands of pieces, with Jaebum that day. And yet life went on with its normal routine. He woke up every morning, trying to ignore the gaping hole in his chest and faced another day.

  
After a few days he started to feel numb; a nice contrast to the aching pain and the never-ending misery he had felt at the very beginning. Jinyoung remembered how he got home that night, breaking down and crying uncontrollably. Every inch of his body was aching, screaming to go back and beg Jaebum to forget all about it. But he hadn’t – instead he broke down on his apartment floor, sobbing for what felt like hours.  Always having the image of Jaebum on his mind, the way he stayed silent while Jinyoung explained how their relationship would never work out. Deep down Jinyoung had hoped that Jaebum would interrupt him, claim all those reasons to be false and fight for them and their love. But that wasn’t the case. Even in that moment Jaebum stayed collected and calm, not showing his true feelings.

The key in Jinyoung’s right hand felt heavy, his whole body still frozen at the spot. He didn’t know if Jaebum was home, so he had cowardly texted Jackson and asked him where Jaebum was. Jinyoung didn’t have the strength to face Jaebum yet. He’d rather get his things while Jaebum was out.

He felt his phone buzzing and saw Jackson confirming that Jaebum was indeed working.  
Jinyoung sighed once more and opened the door. He might as well just get over with it and be done. He couldn’t imagine feeling worse after this anyway.

Stepping in the familiar apartment, the first thing he noticed was the curtains which were still shut. The apartment was laying in dimmed, muted light - the air was stuffy and it wasn’t how he remembered it from all those times he stayed over. The atmosphere was gloomy – maybe because everything had changed and Jinyoung himself felt gloomy, a bitter after taste in his gut, thinking that he once experienced so many happy moments here. He slowly walked through the hall leading into the living room and scanned the room.

Jinyoung could make out dirty dishes here and there - it would’ve been an understatement to say that it was just untidy. Somehow it made him feel unsettled, anger slowly rising in his veins.

He couldn’t even clean his apartment on his own, Jinyoung thought to himself. Of course, he had been always the one trying to keep everything in check, even if that wasn’t his own apartment.

Jinyoung crossed the room and teared open the curtains, letting sunlight into the dark room. For a few seconds, his eyes lingered on the view he had from the window. It had been a misty day so far, now darker clouds were hanging thickly in the air, threatened to bring down heavy rain. He turned around and made his way to the bedroom where most of his stuff was. Jinyoung needed to stay focused, not get lost in memories.

Even the bedroom was a mess – the bed undone, clothes laying all over the floor.  
He fought the urge to fall into the bedsheets, to take a deep breath – bathing in the musky scent that was so familiar, so pleasant. Even just standing in front of the bed, Jinyoung felt Jaebum’s presence around him – tugging on his skin, dragging him closer to the bed.  
He abruptly turned around, grabbed the dresser next to him, in need of support. Jinyoung wasn’t prepared to be this affected by such small things like Jaebum’s scent.

And still, a big wave of emotions washed over him and he had to take a deep breath. His legs started to feel like jelly and the impulse to just run out of the apartment grew immensely.

 _Get your shit together_ , Jinyoung told himself.

He reached out to the dresser and opened each drawer – rummaging through all the clothes, trying to find his own amongst Jaebum’s. When he was finished, it was only a handful of shirts and underwear he had found. There was still this bitter taste in his mouth. He shouldn’t have expected anything else.

After such a long time, staying over – practically living with Jaebum – there was little to none evidence that he had been actually living here. His non-existing heart made a slight tug. This reminded him all so well why they broke up in the first place.

There had never been room for Jinyoung. Not in Jaebum’s apartment. Not in his life. Not in his heart.

In the beginning Jinyoung promised himself that he shouldn’t mind. He knew he loved Jaebum more, would give everything and anything for Jaebum even though he wouldn’t get the same in return.

Jinyoung was the one in the relationship loving with a burning passion. And it didn’t bother him until he realised that Jaebum wouldn’t – maybe couldn’t – change.

Jinyoung needed more to still give it his all, needed to be reassured that his love would be returned. It wasn’t that he didn’t know Jaebum had feelings for him – Jaebum liked having him around, but he could never be sure how much Jaebum liked - or even loved - him. It has always been a mystery to him.

Jaebum wasn’t the kind of person who talked openly about his feeling and emotions, he spoke more through his actions and gestures. Jinyoung had always been able to read him, or at least thought he had been able to, when in reality Jaebum always had been a riddle to him. A puzzle he wanted so desperately to solve, but as his whole heart, even his whole existence was on the line and he could lose entirely – he had to give up in order to survive.

Thinking back, Jinyoung wasn’t so sure anymore if he would survive without Jaebum. He cursed his weak heart which still loved Jaebum and couldn’t let go, couldn’t be set free from the hold Jaebum had on him. He wondered if Jaebum was aware of this – if he knew how much he meant to Jinyoung. Maybe Jinyoung would never know.

Jinyoung began to get restless – he needed to collect his things and go, not look back and be done with it. He walked into the bathroom to find more of his things but apart from a toothbrush and a moisturiser, there was nothing more to call his own.

Jinyoung tried to remember how many things Jaebum left at his place, but couldn’t remember (or didn’t want to). Everything he had found that night, he had thrown in a box and never looked at it ever since.

With the two items in his hand, Jinyoung re-entered the bedroom again, feeling drowned out – almost weak. He let his body tug towards the bed – Jaebum’s presence still holding onto him heavily. Jinyoung sat down on the bed near the night stand and closed his eyes.

He knew this was ridiculous, things had gotten way out of hand, but he took a deep breath – the sweet scent was filling his lungs and it felt like he could breathe properly for the first time since the breakup. He felt alive and yet, crushed and miserable knowing that only Jaebum could make him feel like this. And Jinyoung absolutely hated it, that the hold Jaebum had on him was undeniably still there.

He wanted to scream, being this frustrated he let himself fall backwards and felt a sharp item digging into his back. He yelped forward and sat up.

Jinyoung fingers found the bed sheet and dragged it to the side - revealing the last thing he would have expected. It was one of his shirts.

Absentmindedly his hand grabbed it tightly – Jinyoung needed something to hold on while he gasped for air. Was is just a coincidence that it was next to Jaebum’s pillow or was it there on purpose? Anyhow, it felt like a punch in the face.

So many thoughts were flooding into his mind – did Jaebum miss him? Couldn’t he sleep without having something from Jinyoung around? Did this really mean something? Or did Jinyoung cling on anything to find evidence that he meant something – anything - to Jaebum?

Jinyoung noticed how tears were threatened to fall from his eyes – confusion and frustration taking over his mind, he threw the shirt out of the bed onto the floor.

What was hidden under his shirt, was a small silver box – something Jinyoung had never seen before. He reached out and pulled it on his lap. Out of sheer curiosity, he opened it and choked.

As if he burned himself, he immediately stood up, threw it away so that the box fell down and its contents laid scattered all over the floor.

Jinyoung was crying uncontrollably, sobs disturbed the silence. When he looked down, his view was blurred by a film of tears, but what he could see made him struggle to breathe. Jinyoung was greeted by his own face in many different poses and scenarios.

By his feet there were at least a dozen different pictures of Jinyoung - pictures Jaebum had taken throughout the year he had known him.

Jinyoung broke down, not having enough strength to hold himself up as he crashed down against the bed, in front of him all of those pictures.

With a shaky hand he reached out and grabbed a random picture. He took a sharp intake of air, trying to calm himself down in order to stop his crying.

The picture he held up was a bit blurry – but it showed Jinyoung curled up on Jaebum’s couch, sleeping. He couldn’t even remember when it was taken.

Jinyoung grabbed a few others and looked at all of them – one by one. Some showed him sleeping in different angles and surroundings – with clothes or even without, naked under a blanket.

A few other pictures were taken outside, when they went out to eat or just walked down the Han River.

Jinyoung only knew Jaebum with a camera – or his phone – attached to one of his hands. After all Jaebum’s job and passion was photography. Jinyoung was used to seeing Jaebum taking pictures of his surroundings, but that he was the centre of his attention, he had never known. Jinyoung never even thought about the possibility that Jaebum would’ve captured him in so many different situations.  
  
Not in his wildest dream had he imagined that there was quite the collection of himself somewhere hidden in Jaebum’s apartment.

Jinyoung picked up each picture, trying to figure out when and where it had been taken. And with each new picture, his body began to ache more. The way Jaebum took his picture, it was so intimate. As if Jaebum genuinely wanted to savour the moment, the feeling he had while looking at Jinyoung.

Each new picture ripped open another new wound so that he was bleeding all over again. All of those made his whole body feel like one bruise. It was only a matter of time until Jinyoung bled out, losing the battle he wanted to win so desperately.

One of the last pictures he picked up was of him holding up his own camera, looking playfully into Jaebum’s lens as if both were taking a picture of each other.

Jinyoung wanted to tear it apart so badly – wanted to shred it into pieces, like his memory of the day it was taken, until all of this had been erased from his mind forever.

As a consequence – Jinyoung was his worst enemy after all - his memory began to come back, flooding his mind with all of those happy, wonderful moments.

 

☾

 

The wind was blowing softly through Jinyoung’s hair while the window of the truck was pulled down. His eyes were closed, enjoying the fresh breeze, the muted music, and the hand on his thigh which held him tightly – squeezing it ever so often.  
  
Jinyoung felt content, utterly and completely.  
  
Jaebum had invited him to come along while he had to work. It rarely – mostly likely never – happened and Jinyoung dropped everything and said yes. Jaebum needed a few nature shots for one of his new series he was working on.

They got up very early to drive out of Seoul – leaving the busy streets behind them. Jaebum had borrowed a pickup truck from one of his friends and so they had been driving all day to find beautiful places to shoot. Jaebum stopped at random places, finding the beauty in a few trees, a path leading into nowhere – anything that caught Jaebum’s eyes, they stopped the car and Jaebum took his pictures.

Jinyoung had been thrilled to just observe – he stayed mostly in or around the truck, watching Jaebum in his element. A smile was plastered on his lips all day.

Jinyoung even brought his own camera along – secretly taking pictures, mainly with Jaebum in the frame. Of course he got caught at some point and Jaebum’s joyful laugh filled the silent peace around them.

Jaebum had been light hearted throughout the day – laughing, smiling, looking delighted. He was glowing and more handsome than ever. His natural confidence became even more prominent while working.

Jinyoung couldn’t take his eyes off Jaebum – he was mesmerised by his aura and charisma. He was drawn to him like moths to a flame. He wondered when he would fly too close and get burned, falling to ashes.

For now, Jinyoung enjoyed watching Jaebum – wearing a lose white shirt and some plain jeans, his hair ruffled and fluffy blowing in the summery breeze.

 _He looked carefree and oh so beautiful_ , Jinyoung thought. He would never get used to the beauty that was Im Jaebum, nor did he ever want to.

Now they were on their way back home after hours of driving, discovering nature. It was only a matter of time until the sun settled down and the night would engulf them.

It was already dawning and the sun slowly but surely was going down. Jaebum still had a tight grip on his thigh and the feeling of a pair of eyes on him made Jinyoung’s skin prickle. He opened his eyes and got the confirmation he was looking for. Jaebum’s eyes gazed at him with a strange look Jinyoung couldn’t quite place. The older boy’s brow furrowed and he bit his lip. It made Jinyoung feel unsettled so he moved forward, closing the distance between them and connecting their lips in a sweet soft kiss.

As he ended the kiss, he looked into Jaebum’s eyes and smiled wide.

“You better watch the road, Hyung.” He winked, trying to lighten up the pondering expression on Jaebum’s face. And because Jinyoung knew how to handle him, Jaebum smiled back and concentrated on the road once again.

They drove for a while in silence until Jaebum took a turn, leading the truck on a smaller road between trees. Jinyoung started to wonder what Jaebum had in mind, but as he was about to ask, he saw a lake in front of them.

The truck made a stop and Jinyoung, drawn to the beautiful scenery, immediately got out of the truck and stood still – soaking in very little detail.

The light was already muted, the sun was washing the sky in a pale pastel pink. The lake was surrounded by trees, a slight breeze rustling through their leaves and a few birds painting the sky, filling the stillness with their lively singing.

The lake in front of them was untroubled, a deep blue darkness which made Jinyoung want to sink in deep, to be swallowed up in this peaceful quietness.

As he was admiring nature – his eyes roamed around, trying to memorise all of this – a warm hand made its way onto his waist, squeezing it. The sensation itself made him jump a little; being absorbed in the beauty of the scenery he forgot all about Jaebum for a second.

Jaebum was pressing his body against Jinyoung’s, his eyes looking forward and a smirk on his lips.

“My intuition was correct.” Jaebum’s voice was hushed. “I knew you would like it here.” His hand travelled from Jinyoung’s waist upwards to his shoulder blades and then his nape – drawing circles, caressing Jinyoung’s skin.

“It’s absolutely beautiful. I had no idea you could find such an amazing place like this so close to Seoul.” Jinyoung felt how he moved closer – seeking contact with Jaebum whose hands on his neck left goose bumps all over his body. A craving made its way through his veins – a longing for more.

“I had a shooting once around here and discovered this. It’s breath taking, really…” Jaebum muttered and averted his gaze from the lake to Jinyoung. “I’m really happy that I have the chance to show you this.”

Somehow this made Jinyoung warm and content – the thought of Jaebum wanting to share something meaningful to him – Jinyoung felt a bit closer to Jaebum. 

He tilted his head on Jaebum’s shoulder and sighed. The older boy’s arms wrapped around him and held him tight.

 _Is that what it feels like to be deeply and utterly in love?_ Jinyoung wondered.  
  
His whole body was buzzing from the overwhelming sensation of happiness. All of this was so romantic and for Jaebum surely a great gesture.

Sensing Jaebum’s eyes on him, the craving and aching for more began to overpower him and Jinyoung moved his head slightly, leaving faint pecks on Jaebum’s neck and jawline.  
“Thank you for bringing me here, and basically for today.” Jinyoung whispered, his lips brushing against the other man’s ear. “I had so much fun today.”

 _This was the happiest I’ve ever had been, and it’s all because of you_ , Jinyoung almost added, but didn’t dare to say out loud.

His lips wandered up to Jaebum’s and they shared a long soft kiss. Jaebum’s hands still held him tightly in place and Jinyoung melted into the kiss and the hot body pressed onto his own.

The kiss deepened, tongues were exploring the other’s mouths, hot breath hitting skin. Jinyoung latched onto Jaebum as if his lips and tongue were the only reason he stayed alive. He needed them like his lungs needed air.

Jinyoung felt how Jaebum’s hand traced down his spine and squeezed his bum over and over. He let himself fall backwards against the truck door, still holding the older one tight so that he was cornered between the truck and Jaebum’s body.

For a while they kissed each other hungrily – Jinyoung couldn’t get enough of Jaebum, still needing to lick deeper and deeper. His hands on Jaebum’s neck were playing with the hair, from time to time dragging his head closer to his own, wanting more. There was this burning passion deep down in his body which was spreading slowly through his veins, intoxicating every inch, making his skin prickle with desire.

Jaebum’s hand were still fondling his bum until he felt how the grip got tighter and he was being lifted up. Automatically he linked his legs around Jaebum’s waist to steady his body against the older one’s. Never losing each other’s lips, Jinyoung felt how they moved from the front of the truck towards the back until he was gently being placed on the load bed.

With his legs, Jinyoung pushed Jaebum even closer to him, the friction created by it made them both pant into each other’s mouth. Both of them were already painfully hard Jinyoung realised, so he humped against Jaebum’s dick to create even more stimulation.

Jaebum’s hands were wandering from Jinyoung’s butt towards his thighs, squeezing them – running his hands up and down, dangerously close to his dick. Jinyoung was starting to get impatient – needing more than lips and hands on his body.

“Hyung” Jinyoung muttered against heated skin. “I need more.” He wasn’t able to express himself properly anymore. His mind was filled with Jaebum -breathing, soaking in everything about him over and over again.

Jaebum chuckled and his lips traced down Jinyoung’s jaw, down towards his neck – licking and kissing his collarbones.

“More you say?” Jaebum teased, biting softly into Jinyoung’s shoulder, making him moan. Another chuckle escaped Jaebum who was now looking up to meet Jinyoung’s gaze. “I never made you out to be an exhibitionist.” Jaebum connected their lips once again, this time the kiss got sloppier, dirtier.

“I don’t mind fucking you hard here until your loud moans disturb the silence though.” Jaebum’s words swept through Jinyoung like a wave, a hint of pure lust laying between each word and he bit his lip, trying not to moan obscenely once again. Jaebum always had a way to turn him on with solely words and with his voice - muted, coated with honey and thirst.

Jinyoung’s hands found Jaebum’s jeans, unzipping them – not wanting to waste any more time. Absentmindedly he licked his lips as he reached into Jaebum’s pants and, finally, touched the hard-throbbing dick. With the other hand, he pushed down both jeans and underwear until they slid down, getting stuck on Jaebum’s knees.

Jinyoung found Jaebum’s lips again while slowly stroking the older one’s length, spreading the leaking precum around it. He noticed how Jaebum’s breathing began to fasten with each stroke. Jinyoung loved how much he was in control, loved how he was the one causing all that pleasure – how Jaebum relished in every contact, panted into every touch.

Jinyoung nibbled on Jaebum’s bottom lip while his stroking became more pressing. Jaebum moaned quietly and his grip on Jinyoung’s thighs got stronger.

“If you keep doing this, I won’t last long at all.” He whispered against Jinyoung’s lips, who chuckled but kept pumping.

“You sure can, Hyung.” Jinyoung teased him with a final stroke around the tip of his dick. Jaebum squeezed his eyes shut. “I need you to be still hard for me so I can sit on you.” Jinyoung’s lips moved to Jaebum’s ear. “So I can ride you real good.”

Jinyoung felt how Jaebum quivered and leaned his head against Jinyoung’s shoulder, breathing heavily. Jinyoung wouldn’t have minded seeing Jaebum just come from a simple hand job, but his own throbbing dick was reminding him how he craved for more.

His hand wandered from Jaebum’s cock to his perky bum – his fingertips were only faintly touching the smooth skin and yet Jaebum whimpered into his neck.

His other hand was playing with Jaebum’s pubic hair – soft black curls which travelled up to his belly button. Jinyoung had quite the thing for his happy trail.

As if it became too much for Jaebum he broke away from Jinyoung’s touch, looking at him with half lidded eyes. The prominent lust in Jaebum’s darkening eyes made him shiver.

Jaebum was fondling his clothes now – he removed the white sweater Jinyoung was wearing and placed it behind him. Then he softly pushed Jinyoung backwards, signalling him to lay down while Jaebum unzipped his jeans and took off his underwear, finally freeing him from all the unnecessary clothes.

As much as Jinyoung loved to be in control and cause pleasure, he adored being pliant under Jaebum’s touch.

While he laid down, his eyes were transfixed on the sky above him. There was a slight tint of pink still painting the sky behind the clouds, but nightfall was close and soon the sky would turn into a dark blue, sparkling stars shining down on them.

Jinyoung felt Jaebum’s hands all over his body – faint touches burning into his skin, making him quiver with desire. His shirt, which he had been wearing under his sweater, was being lifted up and kisses were being placed all over his stomach.

Jinyoung himself rose, letting his arms support his upper body – he needed to see Jaebum, desperately needed to watch the older boy in between his legs, sucking and licking his way downwards to Jinyoung’s dick.

And then finally, Jaebum’s hand touched his cock and moans escaped his lips. Jaebum’s fingers only squeezed his tip but his dick was already aching, leaking precum, and had been painfully hard for a while. Jaebum’s mouth was so close, hot breath hitting his heated skin - Jinyoung could’ve come right in that moment.

“Please…” He muttered in between whines while Jaebum’s hand delicately pumped his cock. “I need you to fuck me now.”

“Who’s begging now, Jinyoungie?” Jaebum teased, one hand on his dick, the other fondling with his thighs – wandering dangerously close to his butt cheeks. “I thought you had big plans with me.”

Jaebum kissed the tip of his dick and Jinyoung jolted, a loud cry disturbing the silence around them.

“Forget what I said and fuck me hard.” Jinyoung whined, slightly moving into Jaebum’s touch. He heard chuckles coming from Jaebum who looked up, locked eyes with Jinyoung and smirked.

“As you wish…” Jaebum responded and his hand reached out and took hold of Jinyoung’s chin. “Open up.”

Without any hesitation, Jinyoung opened his mouth and Jaebum slipped in two fingers. Jinyoung began to swirl his tongue around them, slicking them up with his salvia. He kept sucking, bopping his head on Jaebum’s fingers.

Another finger was added; Jinyoung couldn’t get enough. Spit was drooling from his chin already and the look on Jaebum’s face was one of pure lust. His mouth was partly open as his gaze was fixed on Jinyoung sucking his fingers.

While Jinyoung kept sucking, Jaebum’s other hand lifted one of his legs up onto his shoulder. Jaebum moaned as his dick brushed against Jinyoung’s thigh due to them being even closer now. He withdrew his slicked-up fingers from Jinyoung’s mouth.

Even though Jinyoung knew what was about to happen next, he held his breath and sobbed as he felt Jaebum’s index finger slowly tracing down his crack until he poked his rim, circling it with his finger and then lastly inserting his finger into Jinyoung’s hole.

At a slow pace Jaebum kept pushing his finger in and out, adding a second one after a few more minutes and scissoring Jinyoung’s hole gently.

“This won’t do.” Jinyoung panted. “I need more.” He had started rocking on Jaebum’s fingers and finally Jaebum added a third finger. Jinyoung whimpered as Jaebum’s pace quickened and his fingers curled up with each push into him.

Jinyoung barely noticed how Jaebum bended down – he removed his fingers, spat on Jinyoung’s hole and then inserted them again, this time more moist and wet.  
  
The way Jinyoung was moaning was dirty and filthy – he loved the sensation of Jaebum scissoring him, teasing him ever so slightly by circling his hole and then moving in fast with every new push.

“Please, I need your dick now.” Jinyoung breathed.

While Jaebum was still stretching his hole, his other hand was rummaging somewhere down his legs and as he finally found the things he was searching for – Jinyoung realised he held a small bottle of lube in his hand.

“Casually carrying lube with you, huh?” Jinyoung never missed a chance to tease Jaebum, not even while he fingered him so good. “Was it your plan to fuck me on the truck next to the lake?” Each word was interrupted by small moans.

“Maybe.” Jaebum withdrew his fingers and smirked. He once again bended down and to Jinyoung’s surprise – and absolute pleasure – Jaebum licked in between his butt cheeks and kissed his rim, Jaebum’s tongue finding its way into his hole sluggishly.

A wave of pure lust washed through his body and he cried out. He was so close to coming just on Jaebum’s tongue. His cock was pulsating, laying heavily on his stomach – precum was already smudged all over.

Jinyoung’s body crashed down on the truck - too overwhelmed by pleasure. He shut his eyes and twitched under Jaebum’s touch, yielding and immersed himself fully in lust.

As Jinyoung no longer felt Jaebum’s tongue nor his fingers on his heated skin, he tilted his head again just to see how Jaebum was slicking up his dick, giving himself a few pumps. While he was grabbing Jinyoung’s leg, Jaebum sucked on his inner thigh – nibbling on it, even biting it.

“You taste so good, Jinyoungie.” Jaebum muttered and kissed his thigh again. “I bet you feel even better wrapped around my dick.”

Jaebum placed his dick right in front of his hole, nudging Jinyoung’s entrance but not pushing in.

“God damnit, stop teasing!” Jinyoung whined. He moved his ass even closer to Jaebum and put his other leg on Jaebum’s free shoulder.

And then finally Jinyoung felt Jaebum fill him up – entering him ever so slowly with his dick. There was that sweet pinch of pain for a moment but Jaebum held still so Jinyoung could get used to the feeling.

As Jinyoung wiggled his ass to signal Jaebum to start moving, Jaebum pull out and slammed his dick in again. His hands were both holding Jinyoung’s legs in a strong grip.

Jinyoung felt so full and it made him lose everything for a second – the only thing that he could notice was how amazing Jaebum felt inside of him, how good he was filling him up.

Jinyoung began to bounce back on Jaebum’s cock and Jaebum’s hands were grabbed his waist to hold him into place. He quickened his speed – thrusting deeper and deeper.

Both of them were at this point panting and moaning loudly.

“I don’t think…” Jinyoung trailed off as another thrust was erupting a wave of pleasure through his body and he lost his track of thoughts. His hands were desperately finding something to hold on but there was nothing around him to grab and so he reached out to Jaebum – placing his hands on Jaebum’s.

Jaebum was still pounding into him with a pressing speed, his gaze fixed on Jinyoung and his yielding body in front of him.

“Please come for me, Jinyoungie.” Jaebum’s voice was low. “Can you do that for me?”

As Jaebum’s hand found its way on Jinyoung’s throbbing dick and started pumping it, giving his tip a deliberate squeeze – Jinyoung sobbed frantically.

Jinyoung felt how his orgasm was building up – every thrust was getting him closer and with Jaebum’s hand on his dick, it was too much.

“Jaebum… Jaebum… “ Jinyoung cried out over and over again.

With one last thrust, Jinyoung came all over Jaebum’s hand and his own stomach. He sobbed and moaned while muttering Jaebum’s name on repeat.

Still being on a high and with Jaebum stimulating his prostate, he was rocking on Jaebum’s cock through his aftershocks. Jinyoung was mewling, his whole body was set on fire. He felt every inch, every sensation – and all of his mind was filled with Jaebum.

Jinyoung reached out and took Jaebum’s hand, covered with his cum, and sucked on his fingers, licking his own cum to clean up. He heard how Jaebum moaned and bit his lips.

“Hyung, please fill me up. I need you to fill me up...” Jinyoung was still sucking on Jaebum’s fingers as he once again bounced back on Jaebum’s dick, and that was when Jaebum came hard.

He whimpered Jinyoung’s name as his pace became slower.

Jaebum’s body crashed down into Jinyoung’s – his head resting on Jinyoung’s chest, his whole body radiant, clammy and sweaty. Both were breathing heavy while they tried to calm down.

As Jaebum pulled out, Jinyoung whined under the lost touch and the emptiness he was feeling. Jinyoung also felt how Jaebum’s cum was dripping down his entrance.

“Why were you being so quiet? Was I this good that you couldn’t even form words?” Jinyoung nudged Jaebum and ran his fingers through the older one’s hair.

Jaebum lifted his head and rested his chin on Jinyoung’s chest – a smile spread widely upon his face.

“That’s what you really like to hear, huh?” Jaebum moved forward and crashed his lips on Jinyoung’s, kissing him deeply and passionately.

 

☾

A door was being shut somewhere and it made Jinyoung jump; he realised he had been daydreaming while he was still on the floor, holding that picture tightly in his hand – silent tears were still making their way down his face. He utterly lost himself in the memory of what once had been. He screwed up the picture – his whole body was hurting, he wasn’t sure how much he could take anymore.

For a second he forgot how he had ended up here, slumped down, leaning against Jaebum’s bed and all of his energy to move disappeared – Jinyoung felt drained. He was tired and with every new breath new pain erupted in his body and hurt him more.

“Jinyoung-ah?” A voice behind him made him startle.

Jinyoung’s head shot up and he looked around and there he was – Jaebum.

How peculiarly brains work; his first thought was that it must’ve started raining now because Jaebum’s hair was soaked and his shirt dampened. Not how painfully gorgeous Jaebum looked, or how Jinyoung had the urge to reach out – to run towards him and crash his body into his – none of those but that it started raining.

He also ignored the fact that his whole body began to awake with longing – how much he missed Jaebum – everything he suppressed the last two weeks bubbled up and threatened to come up to the surface.

 He got up, stumbled, and nearly fell down again. His head felt dizzy with pure want and panic – a strange mixture. Jinyoung wasn’t sure what he was feeling right now but he knew that he wanted to be anywhere else but here. He wasn’t prepared to face Jaebum, especially not after discovering the box full of pictures.

“I’m…“ Jinyoung wanted to start explaining why he was here but he couldn’t form any more words. His voice sounded so shaky and small and he absolutely hated it. He hated how Jaebum was witnessing the state he was in right now – broken, teary-eyed and miserable.

Before Jinyoung could think of anything more to say, Jaebum stepped into the bedroom and walked towards him – an unreadable expression on his face.

“Jinyoung-ah…” His voice was soft and it made Jinyoung hiccupped. “I’m so glad you’re still here, Jackson texted me that you stopped by.” He trailed off as he was reaching with his hand towards Jinyoung who stumbled backwards, trying to withdraw himself from Jaebum’s touch.

Jinyoung didn’t catch Jaebum’s furrowed brows. Jinyoung stared down at the ground and realised both of them had stepped on the pictures. Jaebum’s gaze followed his and a gasp fell upon his lips.

“How did you…” This time it felt like Jaebum was struggling for words, Jinyoung thought. He dared to look at him shyly and regretted it immediately. Jaebum looked tired, big bags under his eyes were showing, he hadn’t shaved for at least two days. And yet, he still looked utterly beautiful.

Jinyoung soaked in every detail in order to torture himself later – the way rain droplets were falling down from the tip of his hair, some of the strains sticking on his forehead. His skin was damp and shining under the bedroom light. His eyes lingered on the two moles just right above Jaebum’s eye.

Being this close to Jaebum made Jinyoung feel suffocated by several different emotions, whirling around in his mind. The longing and craving to connect his lips with those plump ones, the absolute anger to smash everything into pieces, the heartbreak he suffered and the frustration that despite everything that happened, his heart started beating faster and screamed louder and louder for the man in front of him. 

As Jinyoung realised that he was staring, he tore his eyes away and moved past Jaebum – whatever Jaebum wanted to say, Jinyoung was not ready. He couldn’t take it – Jaebum’s presence was enough for now – there were still pieces of his heart shattered everywhere in this apartment. He needed to collect those first before attempting to make peace with Jaebum.

While he moved past, Jaebum’s hand shot out and gripped his arm.

Jinyoung had never experienced such a thing – it was like an electric shock, jolts rushed through his body setting it on fire with just one touch. His eyes widen and he froze to the spot, looking down at Jaebum’s hand on his skin.

“Please, let me explain.” There was a pleading tone coming from Jaebum. “Please stay and listen.”

Jinyoung couldn’t bring himself to look anywhere but Jaebum’s hand. He wondered how he became so silent – the last time they spoke he was furious, throwing and spitting out word after word. Maybe he said everything there was to say and being greeted by Jaebum’s silence that day, he himself became silent – drained with words, which might’ve still hung in the air around them heavily.

“Can you please talk to me?” Jaebum’s voice was quiet. “Please look at me…” His thumb was stroking Jinyoung’s skin and that finally made Jinyoung snap out of it.

He broke loose – Jaebum’s handprint still lingering on his skin – Jinyoung was surprised that there wasn’t a visible burn. It sure felt like one.

He still avoided Jaebum’s stare and walked – nearly ran – away.

Jinyoung would’ve never thought he could act so immature, but the urge to flee was making him run away from this situation. Deep down – a small voice was yelling to stop and confront Jaebum on all the things he still wanted to ask – to shake Jaebum until he would spill all his thoughts, even if that meant to get heartbroken all over again.

And yet, his feet were carrying further and further away from Jaebum until he reached the door. He hurried to put on his shoes and he noticed how Jaebum was coming after him.

Like a deer caught in the headlights, Jinyoung froze for a second until he came to his senses and yanked open the door.

“Jinyoungie!” Jaebum shouted desperately behind him.

Jinyoung didn’t look back and ran down the stairs. He didn’t stop running until he was at the metro station and was certain that Jaebum didn’t follow him.  
  
He was out of breath; shaken by the encounter, he squeezed his eyes shut. The image of Jaebum immediately appeared and Jaebum’s _Jinyoungie_ stuck in his head. 

If his heart wasn’t already shattered, he would’ve bled all over again.

 

* * *

 

 

 **A/N** : oh god i've told you - this is going to be very angsty. poor jinyoung and his broken heart  
hmmm what do you think will happen next? i'm curious to know  
  
please leave me a comment or come say hi on tumblr/twitter ! i would be over the moon to have a chance to talk you guys - about my fic or jjp in general! it's always a great motivation to hear from you and get feedback ♡ ♡ ♡  
  
shout out to my betas, aurelie and lydia - ily so much wow !!!  


 

[tumblr](http://softjnyoung.tumblr.com) | [twitter](http://twitter.com/gotsoulmates)


	2. Trapped in a dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: the infamous bucket hat makes an appearance  
> (please don't close the tab right away, ok? hahaha)

Jaebum’s eyes shot wide open. His body was fast asleep; still needing a few more seconds to register that his mind was already awake. In fact his mind was wide awake – a rush of pure adrenaline was making its way through his body, each and every muscle starting to awaken slowly.

Jaebum’s body was hot – the sheets were sticking to his skin, everything clammy and sweaty. He felt like he had ran a marathon. And yet, he had only dreamt.

A dream which was recurring nearly every time Jaebum closed his eyes. These days he never slept enough; tossing and turning in bed and fighting desperately for sleep. And when he indeed succeeded to fall asleep that particular dream was haunting him.  
  
To no surprise, it was Jinyoung haunting him. He would stand right in front of him in the dream, close enough to touch. Delicate and pretty as always, with a sad expression painting his beautiful features. His brows were furrowed as he tried to reach out to Jaebum. Words were falling upon his lips, but Jaebum could never catch what he wanted to say.  
  
With every step Jaebum took to get closer, Jinyoung drifted further away. With every attempt to touch, Jinyoung began to vanish. Everything Jaebum tried, Jinyoung began to fade – dissolving slowly until all was blurry and murky; until only shadows were left and an emptiness settled in Jaebum’s heart.

At this point he always forced himself to wake up, he couldn’t take much more than that.

Remembering the dream, he gasped and nearly cried out. With utter horror still clouding his mind, he pushed the sheets from his boiling limbs and stared at the ceiling.  

All of Jaebum – every inch – was yearning for Jinyoung. The aching ran deep , making his body feel heavy. He literally couldn’t move – it was overpowering, dragging his body down onto the mattress.  
   
And therefore he laid in bed for a while, not moving and just staring until Jinyoung’s face appeared on the ceiling and he grunted, shutting his eyes and cursing himself for the hundredth time.

The image of Jinyoung from yesterday never left his mind. Jinyoung looked utterly miserable.  
Jaebum remembered how he rushed out of his studio to be in his apartment, desperate to have a chance to see and talk to Jinyoung. And when he found him on the floor surrounded by his pictures – Jaebum hadn’t known what to say for a second.  He had been speechless yet again.  
  
All he wanted to do was embrace Jinyoung in his arms and never let go of him. He wanted to say all the things he couldn’t express the last time they had seen each other but no words left his lips.  
And, similar to his dream, Jinyoung withdrew himself and literally fled the scene.

All of those words still unspoken. All the things he needed to say. All of it was still stuck in his head.

Jaebum was aware of how badly he fucked up. He was the one causing Jinyoung pain. It was his fault entirely. And that was the most painful thing he realised in the last weeks. He couldn’t blame anyone but him for letting Jinyoung slip through his fingers, not able to hold onto the one thing that meant the world to him.

Jaebum couldn’t stop dwelling on all the things he did wrong. How he was trapped in his old unhealthy habits when Jinyoung never had been anything other than open and loving. Jaebum always had restrain himself – always been too cautious for his own good.  
  
Thinking back, Jaebum had no idea why he just let Jinyoung go without a fight. Why he hadn’t interrupted him, tried to talk to him to make him understand his point of view. But instead Jaebum had just listened and let everything unfold right in front of his eyes. He remembered that even after Jinyoung had left he still stayed frozen to the spot. He hadn’t moved until his whole body had begun to shake and he had collapsed on the floor.

The silence was interrupted as his phone began to ring. One of Jaebum’s hands swept the sheets until he found it, looked at it, and groaned. It was Jackson. He threw the phone back next to him on the bed and rolled around. Jaebum waited until the ringing stopped and got up, ignoring the incoming texts – probably from Jackson.

Jaebum’s eyes scanned his bedroom. It was a mess. The pictures Jinyoung scattered all around the floor were still waiting to be collected. Jaebum hadn’t had the energy yet to remotely tidy anything.  
He bent down and picked up all the pictures carefully.  
  
With each of them, a painful memory troubled his mind and let his body yearn even more.  
  
His eyes lingered on one picture in particular. It showed Jinyoung walking in front of Jaebum and turning back with a full-blown smile upon his face. His dark hair was softly blowing in the wind and his teeth were shining bright under the sun’s glow.

He looked absolutely radiant. His smile could’ve even lit up the darkest alley. He remembered how his heart in that moment had been swollen - nearly bursting out of sheer love and joy – because Jaebum himself had been the reason for this incredible beautiful smile, he had caused such happiness upon Jinyoung’s face.

Jinyoung indeed was beautiful in any kind of situation, but whenever Jinyoung smiled, his whole face lit up and made him look ethereal. It was Jaebum’s favourite sight.

Jaebum held the picture in his hands for a while, a sad smile plastered on his own face.  
  
With a sigh he tore his gaze away and picked up the other few pictures left on the floor.  After hiding them in the small silver box again, Jaebum felt drained. All of those memories were making his heart ache, his body beginning to feel heavy again – all he wanted was to hide under the blankets again and forget all about it.

He wanted Jinyoung to fade – fading memories and images. He needed to forget about the way Jinyoung’s lips felt against his skin, the way Jinyoung’s eyes lingered on him. The memories got his chest into pieces and Jaebum wasn’t sure if he’d ever get the chance to mend them, if Jinyoung would ever let him.

His phone began to ring again and this time, Jaebum reached for it and accepted the call.

“ _Hyung, will you ever answer me on the first call?_ ” Jackson’s tone was teasing. He sounded loud and chatty as always.

“When will you stop calling me is the more pressing question.” Jaebum replied and sat down on his bed. “What do you want?”

“ _Always so polite to your favourite assistant, I see._ ” Jaebum let himself fall back and closed his eyes. “ _Anyway, I wanted to remind you of our dinner tonight. You have to buy me lots of beer, compensating for all the things I had to put up with the last weeks._ ”

Jaebum groaned – of course he had completely forgotten all about it. And before he even could come up with a good excuse, Jackson continue to speak.

“ _No excuse, Hyung. 7pm at Baekjeong. You better be there or you have to find another assistant._ ” And with a laugh Jackson hung up.

Jaebum also read the other five texts Jackson left him before they talked on the phone – all of them obnoxiously nagging him to come tonight.  He smiled at all the different emojis Jackson sent along. He sure had a way to make Jaebum feel lighter.

If not for Jackson, Jaebum most definitely wouldn’t have left his apartment for the last two weeks at all. He took good care of Jaebum – coming by with food, dragging him outside and just chatting away to distract him.

Jackson wasn’t really Jaebum’s assistant, it was a joke between the two of them from a long time ago when Jaebum just started as a photographer and didn’t even have a studio. Jackson was the first one who supported him and cheered him on. Back then, Jackson needed someone to share a studio with in order to have enough money to pay for it. And so the both of them met and became the closest friends. It had always been a blessing for Jaebum to have met Jackson, his many friends, and the connections he had basically everywhere. And that was where the term assistant came into play – Jackson was always the one hooking up Jaebum with anyone he thought would benefit Jaebum’s career.  

Jackson had also been the one who introduced him to Jinyoung.

When a publishing house had reached out to Jaebum, wanting to work with him on an illustrated book with a new series of his, it had been Jackson who knew the chief editor of the art department – Park Jinyoung – and had set up a meeting.

Jaebum still remembered how mesmerised he had been by Jinyoung the second he laid eyes on him. With Jinyoung’s gaze on Jackson, Jaebum had all the time in the world to scan Jinyoung from head to toe. Loose grey pants, a white shirt with blue stripes tucked in casually, and glasses framing his pretty features.

As Jinyoung had been laughing at Jackson – hiding his mouth with his hand, Jaebum had felt that he wanted to see Jinyoung laugh all day; every day from now on. And mostly he wanted to be the reason for Jinyoung’s laugh.

Jaebum needed to stop torturing himself with all those precious memories ~~,~~ which were always trying to find a way into his mind and heart.

 

 

 

After Jaebum showered and dressed himself, he was on its way out to his studio when he stumbled upon a single picture – crumpled up – on the floor in front of his door.  
He bended down and picked it up, only to realise that it had been Jinyoung who dropped it as he ran out yesterday.

Jaebum delicately tried to straighten the wrinkled picture. Jinyoung after all had picked up his favourite picture. The memory of that particular day was dear to Jaebum - treasured closely in his heart.

He absentmindedly slipped the picture in his pocket and reached for his phone. As he opened it to send a text, his fingers froze. Without thinking, he had started writing a text to Jinyoung.

He stopped typing and saved it as a draft. There was quite the collection of texts directed at Jinyoung which never made their way to him. All of them saved on Jaebum’s phone.

Everything he had been writing down was too pretentious; too cheesy; too trivial and bland. None of it was worth sending to Jinyoung and so he had never hit the send button.

Another reason why Jaebum loathed himself the most – how weak he had been that he couldn’t even reach out to Jinyoung. And as days passed by, Jaebum had become too afraid and convinced himself that nothing would change with a simple _“I miss you_ _”_ text from him.

His heart made a painful tug as he stepped outside and made his way to the studio.

 

 

 

Jaebum had been working for what felt like hours. He immersed himself in editing his pictures that he finally forgot anything and everything around him. Too focused on his new industrial series, he had been sitting in front of his computer that he hadn’t even noticed how the sun was slowly going down.

From the large windows, still a few sunbeams made their way into the large sparse room with Jaebum sitting in one corner – the only light coming from his computer screen, illuminating his face - other than that the room was dimly lit and the less sunrays lightened up the room the darker it got.

Jaebum stretched his body - lifting his arms above his head and yawned. His eyes lastly diverted their focus from the dozens of pictures to the clock on his computer and realised he would get into big trouble if he didn’t immediately leave.

It was past six o’clock already. He had been in his studio for over seven hours but he had made a lot of progress – selecting pictures, editing them, even arranging them into a certain order.  He felt pleased with himself. Jaebum hadn’t had much time to work on his series for a long time, always working for magazines, having different shootings for various companies. He never complained – even though he loved to work for himself, he considered him very fortunate that he earned his own money with the thing he loved the most. Jaebum also couldn’t deny that he cherished the recognition he got along the way.

When he looked at his phone next to him on the desk, he realised that he missed a few texts. Flicking it open, he read through them – all from Jackson and all of them telling him to meet him.

Without dwelling on meeting Jackson or not, Jaebum got up and collected his things, put on his bucket hat and left his studio.

The streets were drenched and Jaebum became aware of the fact that he hadn’t even noticed how it had been raining some time ago. The sun still was fighting its way through the clouds but would go down very soon.

The air was chilly and fresh from the rain and Jaebum decided to walk to the restaurant which was only a few minutes away. It was his and Jackson’s favourite place and they used to walk there together to eat after a long day of editing and practicing.

Most of them time Jinyoung met them there, already ordering and waiting.

Jaebum groaned and told his brain to shut up. He squeezed his eyes shut for a few seconds and lowered his bucket hat even more over his face – hiding from all the people around him.

Once he started to think about Jinyoung, there was no turning back. His mind was reeling, desperate to remember every little detail about Jinyoung. The way his voice sounded in the morning, how his eyes crinkled whenever he smiled or how his soft skin felt under Jaebum’s touch.

Jaebum was a self-loathing coward. He promised himself to come up with a plan tonight, together with Jackson. He would surely help Jaebum to get a better perspective on things and hopefully had a clever idea of reaching out to Jinyoung.

 

 

 

After a short while – still pondering, caught up in memories and thoughts – Jaebum arrived at the restaurant and entered it. The also familiar smell of grilled meat made his stomach rumble and Jaebum realised how hungry he was. He had only eaten a bit this morning and nothing ever since.

He greeted the owner who gave him a friendly wave and pointed towards a table way in the back. His eyes followed the direction and discovered the last person he would’ve expected.

There he was – Jinyoung, sitting comfortable next to Jackson, chatting away.

Jaebum felt dizzy and light-headed – he struggled for air and stayed put. They hadn’t seen him yet, so Jaebum had time to compose himself.

His eyes fixed on Jinyoung, soaking in his beauty. He was trying to memorise every detail he could catch from where he was standing.

The light was dimmed but Jaebum could make out Jinyoung’s rosy cheeks and glowy skin. His hair was parted in the middle and ruffled up. A white sweater was hugging his upper body in the right places. Jinyoung’s focus was on Jackson next to him, both concentrated on the conversation they were sharing.

Jaebum noticed the few already empty bottles of soju on the table and meat on the grill. Jaebum’s eyes fell upon Jinyoung’s lips and stayed there for a little longer - lingering on them and imagining how they would tasted with the soju in Jinyoung’s system. When Jinyoung licked his lips, Jaebum gulped and averted his gaze before it got too much to handle.

Jaebum removed his bucket hat, ran his fingers through his hair and the strands that were falling onto his forehead, some of the tips tingling his eyes - he wondered how he looked, somehow presentable, Jaebum hoped. There was no a mirror near him and he hadn’t even checked himself out before he left the studio.

He could only hope that he didn’t look as tired as he felt. Jaebum scanned his clothes and fortunately – dressed in black Adidas sweatpants, a black t-shirt and a baby blue button-down shirt loosely over that – it could’ve been worse.

Jaebum didn’t know how he did it, but his feet moved toward the table. Slowly but surely getting closer while his heart beat uncontrollably fast in his chest, until he was only a few inches away and he caught Jinyoung’s attention.

Jinyoung was chuckling at something that Jackson had said but the second his eyes wandered away from Jackson and towards him, all happiness washed away and pure panic flooded his face.

Jaebum had feared that Jinyoung had no idea he would join them – and the look on Jinyoung’s face was all the confirmation he needed.

And still his heart fluttered; his hands began to sweat and he nervously, yet so faintly smiled.

Jaebum barely noticed how Jackson fell silent and observed with a cautious expression. None of them made any attempts to speak or move. Jaebum still stood in front of them, Jinyoung still stared and didn’t move an inch – eyes locked with Jaebum’s.

The seconds were dragged out the longer no one spoke. Jaebum nearly turned around and walked away – all of this being too much. He felt unsettled and insecure under Jinyoung’s now cold gaze.

But finally it was Jackson who cleared his throat and began to speak.

“I’m really glad you came, come on! Don’t stand there and sit down.” Jackson signalled to a seat opposite to Jinyoung.

Jaebum gulped and cautiously sat down – still not breaking eye contact with Jinyoung.

“Erhm… Hello.” He said quietly, and it felt that his voice broke the spell between the both of them.

Jinyoung blinked a few times and bit his lip. Jaebum watched how Jinyoung fumbled with his hands on the table – a nervous habit Jaebum knew so well.

“I can’t believe this…” Jinyoung huffed under his breath and Jaebum only caught those words barely. Jinyoung looked at Jackson. “I can’t believe you lied and invited him here.”

Jaebum’s heart cracked a tiny bit, hoping Jinyoung would address him and finally speak to him. Jinyoung ignored him completely now – not even saying his name, it made him flinch.

Before Jackson had the chance to respond, Jinyoung continued.

“What were you thinking? Making me drunk and hoping that I would change my mind in the heat of the moment when he would get here?” Jinyoung’s words were slightly slurred. It was obvious that Jinyoung was tipsy already.

“Jinyoungie” Jackson sighed. “You both are miserable but too stubborn to talk. But Jaebum really wants to talk to you, right Hyung?” Jackson looked at Jaebum expectant.

“I don’t want to hear it.” Jinyoung spit out. “None of it.”

That was when Jinyoung got up and Jaebum wanted to reach out. Utter panic flooded his body; the fear that Jinyoung would walk out again and another chance to talk to him would be missed. He had already lifted his arms towards Jinyoung but lowered them in the next move.

“Excuse me for a moment.” Jinyoung said between gritted teeth, turned around and made his way to the bathroom door.

When he disappeared behind the door, Jaebum exhaled deeply and his muscles relaxed. He hadn’t even noticed how he had held his breath ever since Jinyoung found his eyes. How tense his body was under Jinyoung’s stare.

“Hyung… I honestly don’t know what to do with you two.” Jackson sounded defeated. “Why are you so insufferable? Where is your tongue? Forgetting how to form words?”

Jackson was shaking his head, talking to himself more to Jaebum.

“Why is it so difficult to say I love you? Or I’m sorry that I’m such an asshole, incapable of showing any kind of emotion? I really want to shake you so bad right now.” Jackson got his glass and filled it with more soju. “You have to snap out of it, Hyung, fast!” He lifted the glass to his lips and downed the liquid in one go. “Get a grip or else it will be too late.”

In a way Jackson was shaking him – not with his hands but with his words only.

“Ok.” Jaebum nearly knocked the chair to the floor as he abruptly stood up. He looked at Jackson with a determined expression. “Ok.” He repeated.

Jaebum didn’t wait for a response, started to make his way to the bathroom. Before he entered it, Jaebum breathed in deeply and closed his eyes.

 _You better not fuck this up again_ , he told himself, and pushed the door open.

Jaebum popped his head in and scanned the room carefully until his eyes found Jinyoung. He was standing in front of a sink - his head slumped down and his hands held tightly to both sides of the sink.

As Jaebum stepped into the room, Jinyoung’s head shot up and looked through the mirror hanging above the sink towards Jaebum. The chattering from the lively restaurant was muted as the door closed again and the room fell into silence.

The distance between them became lesser while Jaebum carefully took a few steps towards Jinyoung and Jaebum felt how Jinyoung’s whole body started to tense up. He didn’t move at all, only his eyes watched every move Jaebum made.

“I had no idea you would be here tonight, please believe me.” Jaebum’s voice sounded hushed – too afraid to scare Jinyoung away. “After I saw you in my apartment, I regretted that I hadn’t had the chance to talk to you.”

Jaebum was only a few inches away – both still were looking at each other through the mirror when Jinyoung turned around to face him. For a second Jaebum thought Jinyoung would start talking, but no words left his mouth.

“I really need to talk to you.” Jaebum had the urge to get even closer, to cup Jinyoung’s face and stroke his cheeks, maybe even touch his soft plump lips. His heart was yearning, once again aching because of the invisible barrier between them. Jaebum couldn’t just reach out and touch Jinyoung and his heart shattered, getting a few more cracks.

“Quite ironic, isn’t it?” Jinyoung furrowed his brows, looked past Jaebum and laughed bitterly. “How many times you’ve told me you want to talk but actually, you never talk.” He ran his hand through his hair and leaned forward.

For split second Jaebum’s heart stopped – they were so close. He gulped and didn’t know what to do, where to look.

“I’m tired of this.” Jinyoung’s words were only hushed but his tone was cold, even icy. They hit Jaebum right in the heart as Jinyoung’s words settled in heavily.

When Jinyoung pushed himself of the sink he was leaning against and moved past Jaebum, a wave of pure terror washed through him and he started to panic.

“No, no, no …” He muttered under his breath. He couldn’t let Jinyoung slip through his fingers again. He turned around, his arm shot out and grabbed Jinyoung’s hand.

His grip was tightening while he held Jinyoung in place, stopping him from walking away – yet again.

Jaebum’s eyes searched for Jinyoung’s and when he found them – an unreadable look upon Jinyoung’s face – he pulled him closer towards him.

“I miss you so much…” Jaebum’s voice was shaky and quiet. “You have no idea how much I miss you.”

As if his words triggered something in Jinyoung, his eyes widened and he inhaled deeply. In the next moment, Jinyoung closed the distance between them and connected their lips.

Jaebum’s eyes were still open wide as he needed a few more seconds to process that Jinyoung was actually kissing him. After that he responded and hungrily kissed back.

His hands found their way to Jinyoung’s waist, clutching onto them and pressing him closer. Holding him into place, Jaebum latched out and kissed deeper and deeper. Jinyoung’s body felt so perfect against his own – Jinyoung’s breathing began to fasten and Jaebum could feel Jinyoung’s heart beating at a quicker pace.

Jaebum was too weak – missed Jinyoung too much – that he didn’t even think about this being wrong or right. All he knew was that he needed Jinyoung, needed to touch and taste him.

Emotions of desire and utter lust made its way through Jaebum’s veins. Jinyoung even tasted better than he’d imagine, his lips were softer and his skin smoother.

Jinyoung’s hand were holding onto Jaebum’s shirt while their kiss deepened and their tongues connected, swirling around and exploring each other’s mouth.

As both ran out of breath after a while, their lips left each others’ slowly.

“Jinyoungie, I… “ Jaebum started to speak – feeling Jinyoung’s hot breath on his skin, still only a few inches away from his face.

But before Jaebum had a chance to continue, Jinyoung cut him off.

“This was a mistake.” He whispered, his hands fell from Jaebum’s chest as if he had burnt himself and withdrew his body. His expression looked defeated and destressed.

“Don’t follow me.” Jinyoung turned around and walked towards the door. With each step Jaebum’s heart began to crack, the more distance Jinyoung created between them the more Jaebum suffered.

Jaebum was trapped in his body, frozen on the spot. Still feeling Jinyoung’s lips on his own, Jinyoung stepped out of the room and took Jaebum’s heart with him – he was sure to see a crimson track where his heart had been ripped out and carried along on the floor.

Jaebum felt numb - trembling and shaking.

When Jaebum left the bathroom he felt like a part of him was smashed into pieces and laying somewhere on the cold bathroom tiles – he had no idea how he was still moving, his mind was cloudy and everything around him was being muted, hushed sounds barely made its way through to him.  
  
He slowly reached the table where Jackson still was sitting, slumped himself down on a chair. Absentmindedly he grabbed a half empty bottle of soju and drank it in one gulp.

Jaebum put down the bottle and that was when his eyes fell upon a key. It was the key to his apartment to be exact. Jinyoung left it after he walked out on him.

The pain of heartbreak and utter hopelessness was overwhelming him. He felt too much and yet so little. The longing and aching was a constant pain he had felt the last weeks but now, despair was sinking in heavy, tugging and dragging him down.

He could hardly breath, his body was in pain – a constant fight between yearning and desperation.

Jaebum was utterly lost.

 

 

* * *

 

 **A/N** first of all THANK YOU for all your lovely comments ?!?!? i'm so happy you liked the first chapter and i hope i can continue to create something you enjoy ♡

if you're curious i had [this outfit](https://img.kpopmap.com/2016/01/GOT7-JUNIOR-AIRPORT-FASHION1.jpg) for jinyoung in mind when jaebum first met him and [this outfit](http://pm1.narvii.com/6464/77868f214f258c723cfd298bd41459c376e39304_hq.jpg) for jaebum with the bucket hat (please don't be too mad but i really did love that outfit haha)

also did you see that i added another chapter? it's gonna be a bit longer than i've planned! as always feedback and comments are VERY MUCH appreciated - it really does motivated me a lot and i always love to talk to you !! ♡ ♡ ♡

  
[tumblr](http://softjnyoung.tumblr.com) | [twitter](http://twitter.com/gotsoulmates)

 

 


	3. Pictures scattered all over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no idea how this happened but enjoy ♡

Jinyoung had just arrived at work five minutes ago and he already regretted waking up, let alone getting up in the first place. He was yearning for his bed – a safe place to forget everything around him, hiding under his blanket – hiding from the world and its responsibilities.

The irony – and it made Jinyoung nearly laugh out loud bitterly – was that even at work he was surrounded by the one person he needed desperately to forget. And yet here he was, sitting on his desk with the final draft of Jaebum’s illustrated book. The release party was set for the next day and Jinyoung still had to organise a few things in order for the release party to be a success.

Without thinking, he had been working in a ghost-like routine, never letting his mind wander far enough while being at work and he couldn’t remember the last time he actually looked at Jaebum’s pictures or the book itself. It was the self-preservation Jinyoung needed.

There was literally no escaping it, and it wasn’t like Jinyoung’s heart wanted to forget about the heartbreak for a second. (Something that Jinyoung had admitted only to himself yet.)

It hurt with every breath he took and every move he made. His whole body was still one bruise and when he thought back to last night, he felt a deep misery settling in.

Jaebum’s voice was haunting his mind – a miserable shaky voice whispering “I miss you” over and over again. When Jinyoung closed his eyes yesterday at night, it was the last thing he heard and when he woke up this morning it was the first thing surrounding him – sweeping over his mind and body, making it ache with longing.  
  
Jaebum intoxicated his mind to the extent that he was continually on Jinyoung’s mind. In the beginning Jinyoung tried to fight against it, but now he gave up and let Jaebum torment his broken heart.

Seeing Jaebum twice in such a short amount of time was something Jinyoung didn’t handle well. Not only was Jaebum’s voice on Jinyoung’s mind constantly, the second Jinyoung closed his eyes Jaebum’s face appeared in front of him.

The saddest part of it all was that Jinyoung longed for this – craving to see Jaebum in his dreams, hearing his voice in his mind.

Jinyoung tore his eyes from the book, shut them and fell back into his chair. His mind was immediately playing over the events of last night – it all felt like a bad dream.

Jinyoung wished he could blame it all on the alcohol clouding his mind but in reality he had been just the slightest bit tipsy. It was all his own doing.

The way Jaebum had the power to draw him in and made him forget about everything he promised to himself – everything that would protect his heart, he threw away last night and too late Jinyoung had realised that he fucked up. How weak he had been.

Jinyoung made it worse. The aching, all the pain – it felt all too real and it hurt even more after the kiss. It hurt even more thinking how good Jaebum tasted, how good they fit together and how perfectly they melted into each other like puzzle pieces.

Jinyoung wished he could erase the memories of last night altogether. Maybe it would ache less if he didn’t feel Jaebum’s lips still on his own. Maybe it would mean less if his heart didn’t long so much for Jaebum’s touch. Maybe it would all hurt less if his mind didn’t constantly remind Jinyoung that the only time he really felt alive was with Jaebum.

Jinyoung cursed himself – cursed his heart and his mind which betrayed him all the time. Even more he cursed his weak self because he knew he would do it all over again. Jinyoung would fall head over heels again – and again – knowing it would end in a broken heart, because it was all worth it.

There was no denying that Jinyoung still loved Jaebum with every inch of his body, even though he was determined to forget all about it and stubbornly ignore his own emotions and feelings.

The fatal thing about Jinyoung’s mind when thinking about Jaebum was that it had a life on its own. It always wandered off to all those treasured memories Jinyoung had locked up in his heart so deeply, making all of them a part of himself.

He only had to close his eyes for a split second and his mind drifted off to happier moment in the past.

Picturing Jaebum laying next to him in bed – his hot breath hitting Jinyoung’s skin, bodies entangled into each other and Jaebum’s sleepy rough voice whispering sweet nothing into Jinyoung’s ear. Jaebum’s lips faintly brushing over Jinyoung’s heated skin, tongue tracing down his neck to his collarbones. Jaebum’s hands eagerly exploring Jinyoung’s body over and over again.

Jinyoung remembered how – much like now – Jaebum always had been intoxicated his mind from the very first moment Jaebum laid eyes on him – Jinyoung had always felt Jaeum’s strong hold on him in the best possible way.

A knock on the door interrupted Jinyoung’s inner turmoil. Before Jinyoung could respond and tell the person to come in, a brunette head peeked through.

“I had a feeling you would come by today…” Jinyoung’s voice sounded defeated. Even though he wanted to fight the smile that creeped through his stern look, he lost and cracked a smile nevertheless.

“Jinyoungie!” With just calling out his name, Jinyoung already felt how all the anger washed away. He could never be annoyed with Jackson for an extended period of time. Looking at his radiant smile and the cautious look on his face while he entered Jinyoung’s office, Jinyoung instantly forgave him for last night.

After all, Jinyoung knew that Jackson just wanted to help out. In his own innocent way, Jackson tried to make things right again. Jinyoung had to admit that Jackson hadn’t the easiest role in this, being friends with both of them.

“How mad are you?” Jackson closed the door behind him but didn’t make an attempt to step further into the office and watched Jinyoung with big eyes.

Jinyoung couldn’t help but chuckle. “It was rather stupid, let’s be honest.” He signalled Jackson to take a seat while smiling at him. “I’m not mad at you, if that’s what you want to hear.”

And only with that, Jackson moved forward and took a seat in front of Jinyoung.

“Just please promise me not to intervene again. It did more harm than good.” Jinyoung witnessed how Jackson furrowed his brows and bit down on his lower lip. “And I know you just wanted to help, but it’s not that easy, ok?”

“You both are so stubborn, it’s actually so painful to watch.” Jackson whined. “But you’re right, I overstepped my boundaries and I’m honestly sorry to have cornered you like that. I somehow was convinced that it could help to have you two in the same room with me in the middle.”

“You should’ve told me instead of getting me there and drinking soju together.” Jinyoung said quietly. “You know how I feel about the break up and you really should’ve told me and been honest with me. Not only with me, but Jaebum too. He had no idea either.”

Jinyoung noticed how Jackson grew smaller in front of him. “But let’s not dwell on things, what’s done is done. All is good between us.”

Jackson still looked cautiously towards Jinyoung. “I mean it Jackson.” And with that, Jinyoung smiled brightly at Jackson who now looked more at ease.

“I should be grateful that you love me this much.” Jackson teased and began to laugh.

The atmosphere in the room changed immediately; Jackson’s light-hearted laugh made Jinyoung feel warm and content.

“I wouldn’t be so sure of this.” Jinyoung winked. “If I hadn’t forgiven you, you totally would’ve annoyed me so very much. I just made it easier for me.”

Jackson tried to act offended, but started laughing again. “Just admit how much you love me.”

Jinyoung chuckled and looked at Jackson. He surely had the ability to make Jinyoung happy. There was constant teasing between the two of them. Jinyoung being the reserved one and Jackson the big hearted one – an unusual combination but Jinyoung admired Jackson’s faith in basically anyone and the eagerness to meet new people and to make new friends. Something Jinyoung normally struggled with – not that he couldn’t keep a conversation but he was more cautious and loved to observe rather than being in the middle of attention.

Before they could continue their conversation, the phone rang and interrupted their laughter.

“I’m sorry I have to get this, we will see each other tomorrow, right?” Jinyoung asked while reaching out to pick up the call.

“Yes, yes. 8pm. See you tomorrow!” Jackson stood up and Jinyoung noticed how he hesitated. Still with his gaze fixed on Jackson, he picked up and greeted the caller.

“By the way, this is from Jaebum. I promised him to give it to you.” Jackson muttered, threw an envelope on Jinyoung’s desk and quickly turned around to leave the office.

Not having the chance to reply to Jackson – him being gone and occupied with the call – Jinyoung’s eyes were transfixed on the brown envelope right in front of him.

While still being on the phone, his fingers were reaching out, faintly tracing up and down and finally touching it. Jinyoung had no idea how he formed words and listened to his co-worker talking about the upcoming book releases when all he could think about was Jaebum.

Yet again his mind was filled with only him. The aching started to drag him down once more. His fingers felt like burning themselves on the envelope – he desperately wanted to throw it into the bin next to him and never look at it again but here he was, still holding onto it and staring at it as if he could see through it and finally found out what was so important to show him for Jaebum to send Jackson to deliver it.

With a few short responses on the phone, Jinyoung ended the call and grabbed the envelope with his hands, getting it closer to have a proper look.

Whatever it was, Jinyoung didn’t have the strength to open it up – yet.

He knew he was too weak to actually throw it away, something Jinyoung weakly admitted to himself. Even though it would be far better for him not to have a look, he knew that the envelope would find its way into his bag and into his apartment anyway.

And with that, Jinyoung calmly tucked the envelope away and tried to think about everything else but Jaebum.

 

 

The sun was slowly going down, painting Jinyoung’s office in a deep orange light while he was still sitting behind his desk, bent over papers with a very concentrated look on his face.  
One hand was running through his hair while his eyes squinted to have a proper look at the contracts Jinyoung had been working on for the past couple of hours.

When he reached out for his cup of coffee Jinyoung realised that it was already cold, all forgotten about while he was working.

Jinyoung rubbed his eyes. He scanned his office and stopped at the clock right about the door. It was already past seven o’clock – something Jinyoung was surprised by. He hadn’t even realised how long he had been sitting here, working on the same contract and a rush of relief washed through his body.

Jinyoung had succeeded in actually working and not getting distracted by anything or anyone. He was taken aback how much his work helped him through this day and made him feel more at peace. Jinyoung was thankful for the passion he still had for his work and especially his projects.

Jinyoung leaned backwards and closed his tired eyes. It was time to go home. He was probably the last one in the office anyway. He heard his stomach rumbling and realised that he only had breakfast this morning.

While he collected all his things, turning off the computer and making a few notes for the next day, he stuffed his glasses back into its case and back into his bag when his eyes fell upon the brown envelope.

For some strange reason, Jinyoung had totally forgotten all about it. To be more precise, Jinyoung had successfully suppressed all his memories of it. Looking at it again, he froze to the spot and his heart stopped for a second to beat at an even faster pace.

His hand reached out and took the envelope out of his bag onto his desk.

While his office was getting darker by the minute, Jinyoung’s eyes were transfixed on the object in front of him. Both of his hands were laying next to the envelope; not moving an inch.

Even though curiosity was taking over his mind and body, he still was too afraid of what he would find. He wasn’t sure how much he could take anymore; His fragile heart already ached at the mere thought of Jaebum – how could he handle the content that was hidden within this envelope?

The more he anticipated its content, the more restless Jinyoung got. And without thinking about it again, he tore open the envelope and reached into it.

Whatever he thought he would find in there, Jinyoung wasn’t prepared to find pictures of himself that Jaebum took over the last months in the envelope.

His hand began to shake as the pictures slipped from it and fell on the desk. His breathing also began to quicken and his heart pounded heavily in his chest –  it was almost painful how it throbbed against his ribs, feeling like it needed to break through.

Jinyoung was utterly shaken. Silent tears fell from his eyes and left small droplets on the envelope, soaking it slowly but surely.

His mind was reeling, trying to find a reason why Jaebum had sent them to him.

Did he want Jinyoung to remember all those moments? To remember that Jaebum had always cared for him? _No, that wasn_ _’t it_ , Jinyoung answered his own question.

A more pressing voice was telling Jinyoung that Jaebum sent him those in order to tell him that he didn’t need them anymore – that Jaebum didn’t want to remember him anymore, maybe even want to erase all of those moments from his memory.

A sob escaped Jinyoung’s mouth, disturbing the silence around him.

In this very moment Jinyoung realised that he had hoped from the very beginning that Jaebum would try his very best to get him back. That Jinyoung had only ever broken up with Jaebum in the first place to shake him up, to open Jaebum’s eyes so that he would realise that he had to fight for Jinyoung, and that Jaebum had taken him for granted the entire time.

How foolish Jinyoung had been all along.

And now it was truly over. Jinyoung didn’t – couldn’t – believe it. He didn’t know how to handle the utter pain knocking him over and making his body ache in deep misery.

He was weeping, sobbing uncontrollably. Jinyoung was rocking his body back and forth in his chair with his arms tightly hugging his trembling body.

Jinyoung was convinced that it was Jaebum’s way of saying that they were over.

And if Jinyoung didn’t feel agony before, the sheer horror of losing Jaebum tore him up. A sharp pain shot through his body and more sobs escaped his lips.

He remembered how he felt when he broke up with Jaebum weeks ago, but the pain of that night didn’t even get close to the misery he was feeling now.

The realisation of losing Jaebum was slowly settling in and it hurt. With every new sob, with every new heartbeat – the hurt increased and it got more difficult to breath.

Jinyoung sat there for a while with tears falling down his face and sobs filling the room occasionally.

After some time, Jinyoung’s crying died down as if there weren’t any more tears left in his body. He stared down at the pictures with a blank expression. The aching was replaced by an overwhelming apathy. Jinyoung was feeling too much so that he needed to suppress everything in order to keep breathing. He felt numb.

Jinyoung’s own bright smile on one of the pictures was taunting him and in an abrupt movement Jinyoung stoop up, grabbed his bag and switched off his table lamp.

As Jinyoung was storming off and letting the door close with a loud _bang!_ one of the pictures fell onto the ground caused by the gust of wind – revealing a handwritten note at the back of it.

And with that hidden from Jinyoung’s eyes, there was no chance for him to realise how much he misinterpreted the entire situation.

 

* * *

 

 **A/N:** wow i'm so sorry for leaving you hanging for quite some time. i'm not gonna lie, i'm struggling with writing right now.  
but i'm relieved that i have this chapter up now and... it's very angsty and quite the cliffhanger, huh????  
i really do hope you enjoyed it even though... poor jinyoungie :( thank you all so much for your support and wonderful comments, it always means so much to me and makes my heart flutter ♡

as always feedback and comments are VERY MUCH appreciated - you can always come talk to me on tumblr or twitter, i love making new friends ♡ ♡ ♡  
[tumblr](http://softjnyoung.tumblr.com) | [twitter](http://twitter.com/gotsoulmates)


	4. Grand gesture

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is it - enjoy the last chapter ♡  
> outfits were inspired by the BOF performance.

There were thousands, if not millions, of other places Jinyoung wished to be right now. A desert island with no food or water; trapped in room with no sunlight for days; somewhere in the ocean surrounded by sharks – all sounded far more appealing than his current whereabouts.

Jinyoung hated how he was too rational at times; how he was too responsible and thought too much of his work and others around him.

He wanted nothing else but to hide from the world for a few days, to lick his wounds and to try and find a solution to mend his broken heart. But here he was, dressed in a black suit, managing the release party for Jaebum’s illustrated book.

Jinyoung would definitely call himself unlucky – at the very least.

The only thing that kept Jinyoung sane was the fact that he knew Jaebum would be far too busy to even take a second look at Jinyoung. With all the journalists, the press and other acquaintances from the same field of work; Jaebum would be too occupied with engaging and trying to make new connections for his work.

After all, Jaebum was the centre of attention tonight.

Before all this mess happened between them, Jinyoung remembered how excited Jaebum was for this party. He knew how much it meant to Jaebum and how much he anticipated more recognition for his art.

Jinyoung also remembered how he himself was excited to be there as Jaebum’s boyfriend – to be by his side and support him.  

How funny life could be sometimes; how different it could all turn around within a few weeks - all changing for the worst, surely. And it had been all Jinyoung’s doing.

He accepted the fact that he couldn’t blame anyone but himself for his current state. Jinyoung was the one breaking up in the first place, and even though deep down he always hoped for Jaebum reaching out and trying to get back together, he couldn’t blame Jaebum for doing the exact opposite.

When Jinyoung left his office yesterday, it was the last time he had cried. After the door had been closed behind him, he left all his emotions in his office. All of his feelings buckled up deep down in his heart, suppressed and forced back in order to function.

Jinyoung hadn’t sleep at all – the second he drifted off Jaebum’s face appeared and Jinyoung forced himself to wake up again.

And still, somehow he survived last night and even today. Sure, Jinyoung felt utterly numb, but it was far better than feeling all of it at once. He was afraid that he would never get up again if he allowed himself to feel everything.

He had his routine – even now, he knew how to handle things and directed people to make this release party a success. He just needed to focus on unimportant things so that he wouldn’t confront himself with all those important things bubbling up to the surface from time to time.

Lost in his thoughts, Jinyoung stood on the staircase looking down at people arriving and greeting each other. He knew he should be down there in the middle of it but he was glued on the spot, too afraid to suddenly see Jaebum up close.

Jinyoung had already excused himself to most of his co-workers – telling them all that he didn’t feel too well and might’ve going home early to rest. A good enough lie when in fact he did look sick. He made sure everything went well and all was set up properly beforehand.

The press had already arrived an hour ago – taking Jinyoung’s pictures with the illustrated book in his hands, so no one would even suspect that he wasn’t part of the release party tonight.

From where he was standing, Jinyoung had a good overview and saw that everything was going well. Everyone was engaged in conversations, the journalists taking notes, the press taking pictures of all the important guests and celebrities – he didn’t need to worry. His job here was done.

As Jinyoung was about to turn around to make his exit, his eyes caught the last person he wanted to see tonight.

 _Life was too clich_ _é sometimes_ , he thought to himself.

Jaebum was entering the room in a casual black suit with a white shirt and sneakers. His black hair parted in the middle casually framing his beautiful features.  

Jaebum looked utterly handsome, and Jinyoung forgot how to breath for a few seconds.

It was as if his feet were glued to the ground; his whole body frozen as his hands gripped the handrail and his eyes followed Jaebum through the room.  

Jaebum seemed to be glowing, with a faint smile upon his lips while he greeted several people. Some of them got a handshake, others were lucky enough to get a hug.

Jinyoung hated to admit that Jaebum looked truly happy. And it pained him to know that he was not part of this happiness. That he wasn’t part of Jaebum’s life anymore and never would be again.

And yet he was desperate to soak in every detail; with his gaze still transfixed on Jaebum he barely acknowledged Jackson who was next to Jaebum this whole time.

Jinyoung didn’t even notice how he caught Jackson’s attention or how Jackson whispered something into Jaebum’s ear. The second Jaebum looked up and their eyes met, Jinyoung gasped and he pressed his lips onto each other in order to not make another sound. He needed to act composed and calm. He didn’t want Jaebum to see how much it hurt to see him.

Jinyoung was grateful that no one could look into his heart and mind, a mind that was a reeling whirlwind of thoughts and emotions and a heart that suddenly started to pound against his ribs, making Jinyoung painfully aware how it longed for Jaebum.

He cursed himself for being this weak – just one look from Jaebum and Jinyoung was completely shaken. Everything that he had buried deep down, was dangerously close to bubbling up and coming to the surface again.

Even with the distance between them, it caused so much misery to Jinyoung. His whole body was shivering and he felt how his emotions dragged him down – everything immediately feeling so much heavier.

And when Jaebum formed a smile addressed towards Jinyoung, it absolutely knocked him off his feet. He was trembling, and a sob was very close to escape his lips.

Jaebum’s smile was taunting him – making Jinyoung realise that Jaebum was indeed happy without him by his side; that Jaebum really didn’t need nor want Jinyoung next to him.

That smile felt like thousands of daggers piercing through his body, making him bleed all over again.

Still gripping the handrail tightly, Jinyoung had a hard time breathing. He was struggling to stay composed as tears were building up and threatening to fall down. He blinked a few times, averted his gaze from Jaebum and turned around.

Without looking back, he calmly made his way towards the elevator, pressed the button and was relieved to see that the doors immediately opened.

Jinyoung stepped into the elevator and absentmindedly choose the third floor where his office was.

When the door closed and the elevator was moving upwards, Jinyoung couldn’t control himself anymore and loud sobs escaped his mouth and filled the small bright room.

He covered his mouth while he crashed against the wall and let his head fall against it. Hot tears were falling down his face and making his vision blurry.

Jinyoung only realised that the doors opened again when his crying became louder due to the echo of the empty floor ahead of him.

Once more he pressed his hand to his mouth, trying to stop the sobs escaping his body. But he couldn’t stop trembling, all those tears still falling down his face while at least his crying sounded more muted now.

Walking out of the elevator towards his office, Jinyoung tried to steady his breathing. He failed, though, with a few small sobs still falling upon his lips, disturbing the silent around him.

When Jinyoung finally was in his office he leaned against the closed door and squeezed his eyes shut.

He stayed like this for a few minutes while his tears finally subsided and the all too familiar misery was settling in.

Jinyoung was so tired of this constant pain and misery, that he had no recollection of how it felt without this pain anymore. He was so used to this heartbreak and yet every time it hurt more and his heart cracked a bit more.

What he would give to not feel at all? The numbness he felt since yesterday was just pretence. It was far easier to not feel at all than to be drowning with all his feelings.

A sigh left his lips and it felt like Jinyoung surrendered himself and accepted it all, the aching pain and misery.

His hands brushed off the tears which were still wetting his cheeks. Jinyoung turned on the lights and his eyes immediately fell upon Jaebum’s pictures of him scattered all over his desk.

As he walked towards his desk, he heard a knock on the door. Jinyoung turned around quickly and was in complete shock to see Jaebum’s head peeking through, his eyes scanning the room until they found Jinyoung’s.

“Can I come in?” Jaebum’s voice sounded cautious.

Jinyoung wished for a sudden earthquake to rip open the ground he was standing on and swallow him up, so there would be an actual escape from the situation he was in right now.

But there was no earthquake of course and Jaebum entered his office and closed the door behind him. Jinyoung himself - still in utter shock - didn’t move an inch and watched Jaebum with wide eyes.

“I saw you leaving and I’m actually so glad that I found you.” Jaebum said while taking one step closer. “Because I wanted to give you this personally.”

And with that Jinyoung registered the illustrated book in Jaebum’s hand.

If Jinyoung was shocked before, he was utterly confused now. Did he miss something that this was so important to Jaebum to give him the book? A book he had been working on the past couple of months. Even with closed eyes Jinyoung remembered which pictures was on which page.

Jinyoung’s hands reached out automatically and got hold of the book – looking down on it, not having a clue what Jaebum wanted him to do.

Jinyoung had imagined them meeting again so much differently – he almost wanted to laugh out loud how strange all of this was.

“Open it.” Jaebum said with a slight nervousness in his voice.

Jinyoung looked from the book to Jaebum and decided get it over with. If he just did what Jaebum told him to, he would leave soon and he could go back to his miserable state again.

He opened the book, still not sure what he had to look for.

The first page was the title of the book – black font on white paper. Jinyoung turned over to the next page and he almost let the book fall out of his hands.

Jinyoung couldn’t believe what he was actually reading and seeing with his own two eyes.

On the black page in white writing – Jaebum’s own handwriting to be exact – it was written:

 _“To Jinyoungie whom my heart belongs to. Always._ _”_

Jinyoung read it over and over again. His hands began to shake but his eyes stayed on the letters in front of him – not believing what he was reading.

“But how…” He mumbled while he tried to process all of this. “How did I not see this? I looked over every page two weeks ago before it went into print?”

Jinyoung finally looked up and met Jaebum’s eyes who were already looking at him.

“Are you showing me this because you want me to change it? To erase this dedication?” There could be none other explanation than this, Jinyoung was certain.

And now it was Jaebum who looked utterly confused. “What? No of course not.” He tripped over his words as he reached out to cover Jinyoung’s hands, still holding the book, with his own. Jaebum’s hands were warm and a wave of heat shot through Jinyoung’s body. The mere thought of Jaebum touching him made him aware of how much he missed it all.

“I wanted this to be a surprise. You had no idea because I called the company a few days ago to add this dedication. I was lucky that they only had printed out certain pages so far.”

Jaebum squeezed his hands and smiled.

“I… “ Jinyoung was lost for words. “Why did you sent Jackson to give me all your pictures you took of me?”

Without waiting for a response Jinyoung continued to speak. “I mean you sent me those because you don’t want to keep the memories. This was your way to tell me it’s over between us, wasn’t it?”

“Wait.” Jaebum interrupted him. “Didn’t you read the notes I’ve written on the back of each picture?”

“Notes?” Jinyoung responded dumbfoundedly. He withdrew himself from Jaebum’s touch, turned around and took the first picture he could see while he placed the book on his desk with his other hand.

The picture showed Jinyoung curled up in Jaebum’s arms on the pick-up truck they rented that day they went to the lake. Jaebum held the camera in his free hand and smiling fondly into the camera while Jinyoung himself was covered by his hair as his head was resting on Jaebum’s shoulder, one arm holding Jaebum tightly into place.

Jinyoung couldn’t tear his eyes away from the peaceful, loving gaze Jaebum had on this picture. Jinyoung wished he could’ve seen it sooner, knowing how content both of them had been that day.

At last he turned the picture around and indeed there was Jaebum’s handwriting once again.

 _“Remember when I took you to the lake? Late at night when you curled up into my arms, I realised that I had my whole world in my arms_ _– sound asleep. I was the happiest I_ _’ve ever been._ _”_

Jinyoung choked. With trembling hands, he reached out and took another picture laying on his desk.

It was Jinyoung standing in front of the Han River with a beautiful scenery. He had his back towards Jaebum but one of his hands was reaching back as if he waited for Jaebum to take it and stand next to him.

Jinyoung turned the picture around again and read the note.

 _“You who always been the first to reach out - I_ _’m sorry, I failed you. I was too scared to take your hand and let you guide me. I want to change for the sake of you. I want to be the one taking your hand first, from now on_ _– always._ _”_

Jinyoung realised that a few tears rolled down his cheeks and fell down on the picture.

“I didn’t see those notes…” He muttered. “I thought you never wanted to see me again.”

With the picture still in his hand, he turned towards Jaebum. “I thought you wanted to forget all about me. I was so sure.”

Jaebum shook his head in response. “It’s all my fault.” He said in a steady tone, almost determined.

“It’s all my doing for making you question my love for you. Because of me and my insecurities I made you believe that I didn’t love you, when in fact it’s quite the opposite.”

With a few steps towards Jinyoung, Jaebum closed the distance between them. He hesitated for a second, but then cautiously put his hands on both of Jinyoung’s arms and stroked Jinyoung’s arms through his suit gently with his thumbs.

“I’ve been an utter coward. The night you broke up with me, I should’ve stopped you; ran after you and told you how much you mean to me. But I didn’t – I was too caught up in my old behaviour to realise that I lost the best thing that ever happened to me in my life.”

It felt all too surreal to Jinyoung. Only a few minutes ago, he cried his eyes out because he was certain to have lost Jaebum completely and now he was standing right in front of him, confessing his love for him.

And it was all too cheesy and yet, everything Jaebum did was everything Jinyoung had ever longed and hoped for. In any other situation, Jinyoung would’ve made fun of Jaebum.

But his heart was beating faster and with every word that fell upon Jaebum’s lips, Jinyoung felt how his shattered heart was healing and all those thousands of pieces were slowly mending together.

“Maybe I’m all too late, and I can’t blame anyone but me because I’ve been the biggest idiot. But I had to take this chance and tell you how sorry I am.”

“Sorry for what?” Jinyoung whispered and looked up to search for Jaebum’s eyes.

“I’m sorry for not telling you when I fell in love with you. I’m so sorry for not making it obvious enough. Do you remember when you first stayed over at my apartment?” Jaebum asked and Jinyoung nodded in response.

“You made yourself comfortable in my bed and told me that you had to finish that book you started in the morning. And you basically told me off to not disturb you until you finished.” Jaebum chuckled as he was telling this. “That was when I fell in love with you. It made me realise that I would be happy with whatever you wanted me to do.”

Jinyoung smiled at the memory of that evening. It took Jinyoung two hours to finish his book and when he looked for Jaebum, he found him sitting on the couch, headphones on while he was on his laptop, waiting for Jinyoung.

“I’m sorry for not telling you when I fell in love with you over and over again. More and more each day. I’m sorry for not telling you all of this. I regret nothing more than you thinking I took you for granted when in reality, you are everything to me.”

Before Jaebum could go on, Jinyoung started talking, having the urge to get something off his chest.

“It’s not all of your fault, I had my fair share of cause in this mess, too. I’m sorry that I held such high expectations for you and your feelings. I should’ve never compared you with myself. We are two totally different persons and I made the mistake to think that you would do the exact same as me when being in love. When in reality, you always cared and showed this in your own way, with all your little gestures. It was my fault for not seeing this clearly.”

Jaebum’s hands were still on Jinyoung’s arms, squeezing them ever so slightly.

“I doubted you and our relationship…” Jinyoung murmured. “It was my insecurity which led us to the break up.”

“And yet it was my actions who caused your doubts.” Jaebum spoke softly. “And I can’t blame you.”

Jinyoung was about to reply when Jaebum stepped an inch closer to him, invading his space in the best possible way. He forgot all about it as he got lost in Jaebum’s eyes.

“Will you…” Jaebum’s eyes flicked from his eyes to his lip and up again. “Can you forgive me, Jinyoungie? Is there a way to forgive me?”

Jinyoung’s heart skipped a beat. “What if I cannot forgive you?” He asked and saw an instant pain in Jaebum’s features. He looked defeated.

“Of course, I’ll understand.” As Jaebum was about to step away, Jinyoung clutched onto him with both of his hands, letting the picture he had held all this time fell to the ground.

“I meant that there is nothing to forgive, Hyung.” Now Jinyoung was the one tripping over his words, realising how wrong his previous ask must’ve sounded to Jaebum.

“Does this mean…” Jaebum’s voice sounded shaky. “Will you give me a second chance?”

Jinyoung wasn’t able to find the right words – adrenaline rushed through his veins as he stepped forward and let his lips crash onto Jaebum’s who let out a surprised sound.

Jinyoung’s hands found Jaebum’s neck and drew him even closer to him. His whole body was set on fire as Jaebum kissed him back and his hand found Jinyoung’s waist, grabbing it tightly while he opened his mouth and their tongues met.

Jinyoung sighed into the kiss and eagerly licked deeper – not getting enough from the sweet taste that was Jaebum.

His whole mind was intoxicated by Jaebum -  his hands on Jinyoung’s waist, his body pressed against Jinyoung’s, his tongue hungrily exploring Jinyoung’s mouth.

Everything fell into place – two puzzle pieces fitting so perfectly together.

As their lips parted – Jaebum’s nose still touched his own – Jinyoung felt utterly overwhelmed. He couldn’t handle how much his heart was beating and how his mind was screaming Jaebum’s name, over and over again.

After such a long time, Jinyoung finally felt absolutely alive and completely whole again with Jaebum’s presence around him; his scent stuck in his nose and his taste on Jinyoung’s lips.

Jinyoung noticed how hot tears were running down his cheeks. “I thought…” He let out a small sob. “I thought we were truly over last night. It broke me apart” His voice was trembling. “I thought I’d lost you for good.”

“Jinyoungie.” Jaebum muttered as his arms embraced Jinyoung in a tight hug. His hands run up and down Jinyoung’s back softly. “I could never be over you. Please don’t cry.”

Jinyoung buried his face into Jaebum’s chest and clutched onto him as if he was his lifeboat. He tried to stop the tears from falling down but there was so much happiness overflowing his senses that Jinyoung had a hard time controlling it.

“I’m so sorry.” Jaebum whispered into Jinyoung’s hair and placed a few light pecks on it. “Please don’t cry”

Jaebum’s fingers were faintly drawing circles on his back. “It’s all good now. I’m right here.”

And with that, Jaebum pulled away slightly to cup Jinyoung’s face in both of his hands. With his thumb, Jaebum gently wiped away the tears streaming down Jinyoung’s cheeks.

“I love you.” Jaebum spoke fondly and it made Jinyoung cry out again. His heart was so full; everything that happened the past weeks; all of this was washed away with those three simple words.

“I didn’t think this would make you cry more.” Jaebum smiled and his fingers caressed Jinyoung’s cheeks ever so slightly. Everything Jaebum did was so gentle and loving, he was radiant and his eyes sparkled towards Jinyoung.

“I’m just so happy right now.” Jinyoung hiccupped. “Please say it again.”

“I love you so much.” Jaebum breathed, as he lowered his face and placed his lips onto Jinyoung’s sweetly.

 

 

* * *

 

 **A/N: c** an you believe this is really the end?  
well i still have an epilogue stuck in my head, so if you want another little chapter, let me know and i might gonna add it haha

also i was wondering if anyone wants to read little drabbles of those pictures jaebum took of jinyoung (little scenes of those precious moments)? please comment down below if your'e interested :)

i'm really grateful for everyone who stuck around – commented, reached out, left a kudo – it really meant a lot and motivated me every time. i have to admit that i'm quite proud of the fact that i did finish this fic?!?!

thank you ALL so SO so so much ?!?!? i hope this end made all the heartbreak worth it and you enjoyed it as much as i did.  
lydia, thank you so much for your constant support. you're my favourite peach, truly.

as always feedback and comments are VERY MUCH appreciated - i'm curious to know if the ending was satisfying ♡ ♡ ♡  
[tumblr](http://softjnyoung.tumblr.com) | [twitter](http://twitter.com/gotsoulmates)


	5. Bonus: Lazy sunday

The apartment was quiet; in the faint background Jaebum could make out the light rain drops that were hitting the windows ever so slightly.

He had been working for quite some time in his living room; fully immersed in his work until he realised his eyes grew tired as they drifted from the computer screen to the windows more often.

Jaebum squeezed his eyes shut and let his laptop shut down. He was quite pleased with the progress he had made while editing his newest collection of pictures.

As he got up, put down the laptop on the small wooden table in front of the couch, Jaebum tried to collect his thoughts. He hadn’t seen Jinyoung for a quite some time now, last time seeing him in bed with a book in his hands.

His eyes looked up to the clock that was hanging above the bookshelf next to him. It was already past five o’clock in the afternoon and they had plans going out for dinner.

Making his way to the bedroom, Jaebum stopped at the door as his eyes fell upon the beautiful scene in front of him.

On the bed curled up with a blanket was Jinyoung; sound asleep. The book he had been reading lay on the floor next to the bed as if it had slipped from Jinyoung’s hands onto the ground.

Jinyoung still wore the light pink sweater he always left in his apartment – Jaebum had a feeling Jinyoung knew how much Jaebum adore him in this colour. It made him look even prettier, if that was possible at all.

Jaebum had the urge to soak in every detail he could catch with his eyes. Tiptoeing slowly towards the bed, he was cautious not to make a sound and wake up Jinyoung.

With Jaebum closer to the bed, he could see more of Jinyoung’s sleeping face. The lips were curled up in a slight pout, his hair was falling into his face slightly and one cheek was squished on the blanket which Jinyoung was hugging tightly.

Jinyoung looked utterly beautiful – so soft and delicate.

Jaebum felt how his heart made a slightly squeeze as this was too much to handle. He was overflowing with adoration and love. All he wanted was to sit down and stare at Jinyoung for a long time. Jinyoung looked so very peaceful.

Averting his gaze from Jinyoung’s face, his eyes wandered down Jinyoung’s figure; noticing how the sweater had been rolled up and revealed the dainty waist and smooth skin. One of Jinyoung’s legs was peeking out of the blanket and Jaebum realised that he only wore his underwear.

Even though the urge to look at Jinyoung was strong, Jaebum got up again and walked to the living room again to get his camera.

Only a minute later, he re-entered the bedroom - still trying to not make a sound.

Getting in front of Jinyoung and his sleeping figure, Jaebum sat down on the floor and got his camera ready. After getting the right angle, Jaebum clicked the release and to his absolute shock he only realised too late that he had been taking a picture with flash.

The second Jaebum pressed the button to take the picture, Jinyoung huffed and his eyes were slowly opening – gotten woken up by the bright light.

Cursing himself for being this careless, Jaebum got up quickly and put the camera on the nightstand.

Jinyoung was mumbling while he hid his face in the blanket.

“I’m sorry baby for waking you.” Jaebum said softly and brushed his fingers through Jinyoung’s hair.

Some more little grunts were coming from Jinyoung – all muted by the blanket.

“I was just checking up on you because it’s already quite late” Jaebum continued to talk as he sat himself onto the bed next to Jinyoung.

Lifting up his head, Jinyoung looked up to Jaebum; still having a light pout upon his lips.

“I didn’t even realise that I fell asleep…” Jinyoung muttered. “How late is late?”

Jaebum chuckled as he bent down and kissed Jinyoung’s forehead. “It’s already past five.”

Jinyoung hummed and leaned into Jaebum’s touch. As Jaebum was about to withdraw himself, he noticed how Jinyoung grabbed his shirt and held him into place.

“What do you think about… “ Jinyoung was so close to Jaebum that he felt Jinyoung’s breath hitting his skin. “Cancelling our plans?”

And with that Jinyoung got even closer and connected their lips in a kiss. Jaebum sighed into the touch; eagerly kissing back.

 

* * *

 

 

**A/N:** as promised ♡ i hope you enjoyed this cute little fluff moment.  
(if anyone's curious, i'm working on the epilogue. please pray for me that i can finish it soon)  
  
also let me take this opportunity to say thank you once again !!!  
thank you ALL so much for the lovely kind comments, it really made me feel so happy. i love you all. thank you thank youuu !!!!!  
  
as always feedback and comments are very appreciated ♡  
  
[tumblr](http://softjnyoung.tumblr.com) | [twitter](http://twitter.com/gotsoulmates)


	6. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surprise !!!

Lightly tapping his bare feet, Jaebum felt the chilly breeze find its way through his shirt until goosebumps spread all over his upper body as he sat on the wooden staircase.

The sun was slowly going down – hiding behind the mountains in the distance. The very few sunbeams which fought through the clouds and trees barely kept Jaebum warm and yet, he was transfixed to the spot.

His eyes roamed around the scenery in front of him – trying to capture every single bit of it. And for once, he didn’t even think of getting his camera out and taking pictures.

There was something utterly magical about this place. 

Maybe Jaebum imagined things but even the air was different here – richer, purer. He inhaled deeply, filling his lungs with as much air as possible. He could smell the trees, which were rocking softly back and forth with the light breeze, melting into the movements and complying with air. 

It somehow made Jaebum think of a dance, trees swaying around with the breeze with its own wicked game making the trees give in with every new gust.

Closing his eyes Jaebum could hear the leaves rustling on the ground, the wind shaking the trees and the faint waves of the lake in front of him. He could even hear birds chirping – it sounded like they were complaining to one another, angry quavering over those unsteady branches they were sitting on.

Yet again, Jaebum inhaled the fresh air around him. He felt at peace. Everything about this place – about this lake – was harmonious, unspoiled.

As he was opening his eyes again, Jaebum’s gaze fell onto the lake. With every ray of sunlight that hid behind the mountains, the lake began to look darker, murkier. He was drawn to it and if it wasn’t already cold – winter was waiting to wash over the country – Jaebum would let his body drift to the water. He imagined his feet hitting the cold waves, feeling the little rocks beneath them. 

But he stayed put and enjoyed the view from afar. As Jaebum looked up to the sky, he realised that the fading sun had painted it in all variations of pinks and pastel blues. The clouds now looked more like cotton candy; light puffs floating around.

Mesmerised by the sheer beauty of it, Jaebum didn’t hear the footsteps behind him and only realised that he wasn’t alone anymore as Jinyoung’s warm body pressed next to him on the stairs.

Jinyoung’s hands ran down his back until they rested on his waist – warmth spread where Jinyoung kept caressing the skin over his shirt – drawing small circles and running his fingers up and down his waist.

“Don’t you want to come inside?” Jinyoung mumbled as he nuzzled his face into the crock of Jaebum’s neck. As he spoke, his lips tingled the sensitive skin on his neck and once more Jaebum shivered.

“It’s getting quite cold out here and you don’t even wear shoes.” Jinyoung voiced, still muffled, so deep and rich. It fit so perfectly into all the background noises Jaebum heard – the gusts of wind, birds chirping and the light waves coming from the lake.

In general, Jinyoung’s voice always made Jaebum much more relaxed. It had a way of bringing him more peace and sometimes he asked Jinyoung to read out loud at night – when the both of them were cuddled up in bed entangled into each other – and all Jaebum wanted was to be washed over by Jinyoung’s calm steady voice until his eyelids fell too heavy to keep them open.

“I guess I forgot the time while looking at the sunset,” Jaebum whispered and let his body melt more into Jinyoung’s – trying to be as close as possible.

One of his hands reached out and squeezed Jinyoung’s thigh.

“Every time I visit this place, I get more mesmerised by the beauty of it.” And still, Jaebum kept his voice quiet; not wanting to disturb the peaceful atmosphere around them.

“I remember the first time you took me here,” A small light peck was placed under Jaebum’s earlobe. “There is no way to get used to this place. Everything seems so magical, don’t you think?” 

Jaebum nodded and felt how Jinyoung’s lips traced softly over his skin until they found their destination – Jaebum’s own lips.

It was a sweet kiss, slow and gentle. 

Jaebum felt utterly at peace. In those moments he was overwhelmed by his love for Jinyoung; how lucky he had been to be given a second chance. 

He always reminded himself to never repeat his mistakes because he knew how it felt to have lost Jinyoung once – something he never wanted to experience, ever again.

How thankful Jaebum had been as they got back together, trying to mend each other’s hearts and wounds. And now after months, everything felt right again.

Sometimes when Jaebum woke up in the mornings and Jinyoung’s warm body was pressed against him, a wave of sheer happiness and gratitude washed over him; making his whole body feel lighter. He swore to never take Jinyoung and their relationship for granted ever again. He would make sure of it.

After their lips parted, a faint smile plastered on Jaebum’s face.

“Let’s head inside.” He muttered and kissed Jinyoung once again.

As they both stood up, Jaebum registered that the sun was now fully gone and only a slight tint of pink was visible in the distance. All those trees now looked eerie; far more dangerous as they continued to sway with the wind rushing through their branches.

All of those chirping quieted down as the birds accepted that night had started and a new day would come soon. 

Even the lake had quieted down, Jaebum could only make out a few little waves here and there.

His eyes followed the tall trees until they fell on the faint stars in the far distance above; waiting to make their appearance as soon as the moon would fully take over the sky.

Jaebum’s hand reached out to take Jinyoung’s as he turned around and made his way into the small wooden cabin. 

The warmth of the cabin made Jaebum realise how cold it was outside. He thankfully greeted the heat spreading over his exposed skin, making him feel warmer in an instant. 

“I forgot we started this…” Jaebum trailed off as he noticed all the puzzle pieces laying around on the ground. 

Earlier when the both of them realised that neither the old tiny television in one corner nor the Wi-fi was working in their cabin, they started solving a puzzle which Jaebum had found in the back of one of the cabin’s drawers.

Not that Jaebum had minded it at all; it was something he always did occasionally. He loved the feeling of concentrating on just one thing, engulfed by the ambition to solve any kind of puzzle.

They had been bickering throughout and Jaebum realised that he wasn’t particularly good at it as Jinyoung had seemed to find the right puzzle pieces one after another.

But as he had sat on the ground, hunched over the puzzle while Jinyoung became so very quiet – all of his attention on the puzzle, Jaebum’s heart grew even fonder realising that no matter what the both of them were doing, it only mattered that they both did it together.

“I nearly finished it as you sat outside, but I thought I should definitely give you a chance to finish it,” Jinyoung chuckled. “Even though I’m not quite sure if you’re able to solve it without me.”

“Oh, someone’s very full of themselves, I see.” Jaebum glanced at Jinyoung and made his way to the puzzle which was right in the middle of their living area, between two couches.

Jaebum sat down and tried to scan through the missing pieces. He only slightly noticed Jinyoung closing the door and slumping down on one of the couches with a book in his hands.

The room fell into pleasant silence as Jaebum was fully concentrated on solving the puzzle and Jinyoung read.

From time to time, the cracking of wood was making Jaebum look up and turn around to the fire in the small fireplace behind him. Jinyoung was still laying on his back with his current read, fully indulged by its story.

Jaebum caught himself lingering on Jinyoung’s figure in front of him more often as he became aware of the fact that he indeed couldn’t solve the puzzle without Jinyoung’s help. 

Jinyoung furrowed his brows slightly as he concentrated on his book – sometimes he even bit down on his lip as he turned over the next page. 

A white soft sweater was hugging Jinyoung’s delicate features and some of the fashionable holes in it revealed smooth-looking skin. 

Jaebum had no intention of finishing the puzzle anymore and so he crawled towards the couch Jinyoung lied on. 

“Mind if I join you there?” Jaebum asked as he rested his chin on the edge of the couch. 

With his eyes still glued to the book in front of him, Jinyoung just hummed quietly and moved his body more into the couch, trying to make more space for Jaebum.

Taking this as an invitation, Jaebum crawled onto the couch and pressed his whole body close to Jinyoung’s.

Jaebum sneaked one of his legs between Jinyoung’s legs, one of his arms reached out and hugged Jinyoung’s waist as his other arm pressed against his and Jinyoung’s chest. With his head was now snuggled right under Jinyoung’s chin Jaebum could make out Jinyoung’s steady heartbeat.

Jaebum felt utterly comfortable and a satisfying sigh escaped his lips.

“This is really cosy.” Jaebum’s voice was just a faint whisper against Jinyoung’s tender skin. Jaebum closed his eyes and hummed as he felt Jinyoung’s one arm reaching down to his back; hugging him and pressing Jaebum’s body even closer to Jinyoung’s.

“I have another request,” Jaebum mumbled. “Mind if you read some lines out loud?”

Jinyoung softly giggled and Jaebum felt a light kiss on his hair.

“I don’t mind at all,” Jinyoung’s voice sounded slightly muffled, still close to Jaebum’s head. “I’m just going to continue where I left off before you distracted me.”

Jaebum nudged him a little but then Jinyoung started reading out loud and Jaebum stopped his movements in order to concentrate on Jinyoung’s voice.

“ _It wasn’t as cold as it was the day before, but the sun still wasn’t out, and it wasn’t too nice for walking. But there was one nice thing. This family that you could tell just came out of some church were walking right in front of me…_ ” 

Jinyoung had only started reading but Jaebum already felt how his body became heavier by each word that left Jinyoung’s lips; all of those words filled the air between them, dancing around Jaebum’s sleepy mind until they floated around in his head and Jaebum could only think of Jinyoung’s voice.

His voice soothed Jaebum’s whole mind and body – something about Jinyoung’s tone and pronunciation made Jaebum feel entirely safe. It made Jaebum feel at home.

“ _He was making out like he was walking a straight line, the way kids do, and the whole time he kept singing and humming. I got up closer so I could hear what he was singing…_ ” 

While Jinyoung’s rich calm voice filled the air, Jaebum only registered slightly how he drifted off to sleep as his grip on Jinyoung’s waist got lighter and his whole body started to relax; melting into the body beneath him.

One last thought occupied Jaebum’s mind before there was just sleep.

How absolutely and utterly happy he was.

 

# ☾

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (quotes from the catcher in the rye)
> 
> listen, i had no idea i would ever post the epilogue - but here we are !  
> i hope you enjoyed reading this with all those wonderful images of the verse 2 photo shoot in mind.  
> this is truly based on the few cute pictures we've got of jjp in that wooden cabin and of course the tomorrow,today mv !
> 
> i feel at peace knowing this fic is truly finished now.  
> this is dedicated to miki - thank you for inspiring me to finish this finally ♡♡♡  
> also thank you to izzy for being the sweetest ! ♡♡♡
> 
> feedback like comments or kudos would mean the world to me. it always makes me so very happy and keep me motivated  
> also i'm on [twitter](http://twitter.com/gotsoulmates) and [tumblr](http://softjnyoung.tumblr.com) \- come say hi!! (here's also my [cc account](https://curiouscat.me/gotsoulmates))


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